Category: WWs

Where old pounds go to wither

Firefly

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firefly

As a child I would chase fireflies to catch and put into a jar.  I would sit on the porch in the cool of an evening summer night and be filled with the wonder and awe of nature. A firefly on its own doesn’t seem like much but put a few in a glass jar and a dark night is transformed. Sometimes I feel like a firefly; small and insignificant but I know I carry a powerful spark. I set my world on fire. When I believe in the power of me, I can turn that spark into sparkle. I can do this. I am worth this. I am trying to have the time of my life doing this.

I was tired of mistreating myself. I wanted more of myself than feeling sorry for the shape I put myself in. I wanted to feel joy. I wanted to embrace my world. The time had come for me to take responsibility for what I had done to myself. You can’t un-fry an egg but you can make one hell of a breakfast sandwich  =  ) no more self pity.

I gave myself permission to say NO to things I feel are unhealthy or unhelpful. I try to be mindful about the choices in front of me.  I am learning it is okay to make mistakes. It is not okay to ignore mistakes. Ignoring a problem only makes it grow in SIZE. Figure out the whys,{ I find being honest with myself cuts the journey in half = ) } make an adjustment, walk away from it. Let it go! Forgive yourself and move forward. I am learning to embrace who I am not what I see in my mirror. My mirror is too judgmental. It doesn’t add up to the who that I envision in my mind. I have worked on who I want to be for a long time. I am beautiful, giving, thoughtful and kind. My self worth is based on how I treat myself and others. I want people who come across my path to leave feeling inspired. A small gesture on my part that leaves you with a warm feeling in your soul. I call that happiness!

I am a WW because I need help to keep myself on my path. It is okay to ask for help. For too many years I ran from myself. Not wanting to face my whys. Not wanting to face my truths. My truths will be different from yours and that is ok. It doesn’t matter which road you choose; we are all on the same journey. Never give up on the person you are meant to be. Don’t let anyone take away your sparkle,not even you! I try never to dwell on that age old question; if you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be? beauty is like love; misused to cover a myriad of truths and emotions. What does appearance have to do with how much you are truly loved? or respected? or wanted?

A kind gesture towards someone will be remembered longer for the way it makes them feel, than how you looked when you bestowed it upon them.  What you do matters. Learn to be kind to yourself so you can be kind in return. Respect yourself and others will follow your example. You are amazing just the way you are; never forget that. Work on your foundation and your structure will only be stronger for it.

So be calm, be in your moments and Weight Watcher ON!!!

Friday Night Life

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Every Friday, after my work week has come to an end, I sit at my laptop reflecting. I plan out what bills I have versus what bills I have money to pay. Who else in the room? I didn’t think I was alone. Owing money, even if it is for a necessity, is not a feeling I welcome. Sometimes I feel like I work for nothing. Not the truth,that’s the way I feel sometimes then again who doesn’t feel that way?

Weight loss can feel like that. I can be in midst of a wonderful spell of decision making. Getting in a workout or two, planning my meals carefully, living in my moments. Sometimes though in the back of my mind I feel like I am working for nothing. I am the first one to admit, it is usually after I talk myself out of eating a brownie or a piece of candy I didn’t really need in the first place. Damn, I really wanted that! And damn again. I wish the reward for refusing to sabotage myself was bigger! As if wishing made it so. How amazing would it be to look in the mirror after turning down a delectable sweet and see I look smaller. I do look smaller. It has taken a lot of work. Often I want to quit but I don’t.

Whenever I feel like I just don’t want to do this(weight loss journey) anymore, I remind myself that I deserve to be the best example of me. Anything I achieve is worth the work I put in. I am worth the work. I am a force, strong and beautiful. I can achieve anything as long as I remember that I am capable of great things,if I put the effort in  = ). I try to remain positive and move through whatever it is that I have thrown into my path. I make my own obstacles. There is a certain level of fear a true WW carries around with them. I hear my fear whenever I  am struggling with my self confidence. Self doubt is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Don’t go it alone. Ask for help. Your leader can be so much more to your success if you just reach out to them. They do not always have all the answers but all the really good leaders know how to listen. The absolute best ones make you laugh and think and feel. They have all lived the same struggle as us.

Nobody goes through life without making a few wrong turns. I like to think of life as a road trip you take with a best friend. Enjoy the adventure, take note of your surroundings, don’t panic if you get lost. See where that wrong turn takes you. It might be a better view or stop and ask for direction. Live in your moments. Enjoy the adventure and learn to be patient with yourself. It takes time to change. Be happy you have time to change. Donate the clothing you have shrunk out of to a good cause. You help someone else in need and that warm feeling you get should be reward enough = ) I know it is for me.

Give yourself permission to restart a bad day.  A bad minute only turns into the day if you let it. Never Give Up on the person you are meant to be.

What Makes Us Different…

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makes us the same.

It starts early in my day on Fridays. I start thinking about what I want to blog about. I worry no one will read my thoughts or worse that no one will care.  Sometimes I wonder if the effort I put in is worth it. Then I remember this blog is for me. I write as a way to keep myself in check. I share how I am feeling in the hopes that what I have to say helps one person to realize that they are not alone. We all struggle with something :  loneliness, depression, weight, beauty, stress from a bad marriage, death of a loved one…the list is endless. What makes us different makes us the same.

I started this weight loss journey again in February. I decided it was time for me to change my outlook (I had painted it grim, I was buying my own lies hook, line, and sinker). I forgot how to be happy, to live in my moments. I had spent so much time and energy trying to be the best daughter to my Pops, who suffers with dementia, that I had stopped taking care of myself. I stopped caring about me. I should have reached out for help. Maybe, I wouldn’t have gotten so lost if I had just stopped and asked for direction.

I throw a wall of emotions out in front of me to keep me safe from prying eyes. I make people laugh so I won’t cry. I sing because I am in distress. I eat because I am angry and I don’t know how to use that negative energy in a positive way. I decided that those things that are sometimes true about me needed to be changed. I needed to change. I am learning to own my anger. I don’t have to self-destruct. I am bigger than that. I am worth more than that. I am learning to laugh from joy. I sing because it makes me happy. I  try to talk myself out of my anger. I am trying to let go of things I am unable to change.  I am growing as a person, not in the waistband, a first for me.  = )

The truth is everyone is afraid to get hurt. Life is not a free ride. It comes with pain and disappointment. It has moments of grief and anger. It is the longest, most intense adventure you will ever undertake. You deserve to be in every messy, wonderful, emotion filled moment of it. Learn to be kind to yourself. You do it for other people, learn to value yourself. Stop blaming yourself for the way things have gone in the past. Live for the now.

You have the chance to be a better version of you, right now.  You are strong enough to stand up for what you want. There is no need to feel guilty about being successful at being you. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

What makes us different makes us the same  =  ) We can do this Cupcake!

 

 

Chillax

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A word that I picked up somewhere. It means to chill out and relax. It may have come from the interwebs or I overheard it somewhere. I liked it when I heard it so it has become part of my Trish-isms.  A Trish-ism is something that I have added to my conversational art; how I view my world, people and things around me. A little bit of my unique quirkiness.

We all talk to ourselves. WE all spend too much time thinking, overthinking, tearing down instead of building up. IT is a hard habit to break. I try to start every morning spending a few minutes, before I get lost in my day, sitting on the edge of my bed chillaxing. I shut off my alarm, though most mornings my cat wakes me up, and I reflect.  I draw in a few deep breaths. I stretch and take inventory of my aches and pains. Let’s be honest at my age (51) I am luckier than most,in that I am in good health. I say reflect because if I start thinking, I over think and I screw up my day. I am an over thinker. Was I a good person yesterday? what do I need to do to make today better than yesterday? do I need to shave my legs? need coffee? yes, silly girl …let’s go. It is a new day and another chance to tilt my world right. If I spend too much time thinking about the sketchy choices I made at supper, I  carry around self doubt ALL day. My one bad meal choice can quickly turn into the zone of poor choices sprinkled with enough self pity to crush any living beautiful thing.{{{shudder}}}

Embrace the chillax. Step away from self made drama, focus on what you have done right. Apply what you have learned. Observe, absorb, learn, move on. I am learning to relax with myself,to be calm, to chill out and relax. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

What’s IT Worth?

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Am I worth it? Is feeling better, healthier, happier, peace filled, worth it? What is IT?

IT… is an intangible feeling;  a  Je ne sais quoi quality, something magical you can’t quite put your finger on. Am I worth the joy I feel?  Are all the wonderful, emotion filled feelings that I am throwing myself into the middle of worth the roller coaster ride?  I have nothing to prove to anyone, not even myself. I am learning to be in the moments of my life. I am no longer building my foundation; I am fortifying it. When I am strong, I can stand up to anything, even myself.

I am a student of WWs. Once upon a time ago I made it to within six pounds of my goal. I was anxious about being in the Land of Normal. I never allowed myself to partake in the success I had worked so damned hard to enjoy.  The fear of the unknown scared me away from reward.  Foolishly, instead of turning to someone for advice or for the strength I wasn’t ready to undertake as my own, I walked away. I am different now. This journey is on a pace all of its own. My body older, my metabolism a tad slower. I am struggling with self comparison. I am frustrated that THIS time my weight is coming off slower. I am trying not to spend too many precious moments dwelling on something that I can not change. If I waste too much time comparing yesterday to today, my mood, my conviction, my belief falters. I want more for myself than a fresh supply of doubts.

Sometimes just like eating, you have to put your stuff (fork) down and assess. What do I hope to accomplish for myself? I want to be able to make it to goal. I want to do it under my own steam and hard work. What have I learned so far? There are still  many things to learn about life. Every day dawns with a chance to be a better me than I was yesterday. What have I learned about myself?  I am stubborn. I am a wanter. I am a doer. I am capable. Am I working toward a goal or am I floundering? I am working on myself even though honesty hurts, change is scary and sometimes I drop the ball. I am not floundering. I have direction. I refuse to lose my way. I will not give up.

Why is this journey important to me? I want to be at peace with myself. I have learned that my health is not something I am willing to lose. Being in good health takes work. I feel amazing when I make the right choices for myself. I had lost faith in myself. I am learning to believe again. I can do anything I set my mind to. All it took was a glimmer of what might be. I want to make it to goal even if it is going to take more time than I think it should. I am worth the wait. I am worth the work.

Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

On the road of your life is where you experience your journey. Make your journey worth the trip =  )

 

 

You’ve Changed

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It’s me, not you. I’ve changed. What is it about change that people hate? Okay, maybe hate is too strong of a word. Let’s go with strongly dislike. Change is not a bad thing. It has a terrible reputation. Without change things would become boring, routine, mundane. Life is messy. It never comes wrapped in a tight little package with instructions that say:  just add hot water, cover, let stand for 5 minutes and then enjoy. That only happens with Ramen noodles and there is nothing good about that. Let’s be honest.

Change is scary. Change is intriguing. Change is inevitable.The seasons change. As we age we change. New love changes into something life long and wonderful or divorce depending on life circumstance. Change equals growth.  It takes courage to change.

I’ve changed. I decided it was my time. It was time for me to stand up for the lost soul I allowed myself to become and reclaim my life, my way. I walked back into WWs  because I deserve to treat myself better than I have in the past. I walked away from bad habits. I am no longer willing to be afraid of change.  In fact, I embrace it. I have grown. I am better at giving hugs and taking them as well. I am better at stopping to think about why something is making me angry or tense or nervous. I am learning to let go of things beyond my direct control. Sort of a cosmic live and let live attitude, I guess. I was willing to take a chance on myself one more time. Take a chance on yourself. Change just one thing and watch where it will take you.

Help Yourself

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Two simple words and yet it is the hardest undertaking. “I couldn’t help myself” is heard whenever someone gives into a temptation. I say it myself like it is the best solution to explain away a natural urge to want things. A fitting excuse for when you have gone too far over your limitations, purchased something you wanted instead of needed or eaten that one small thing you couldn’t live another minute without and then eating way more than you wanted to.

Help Yourself. You have to make that choice. Help yourself or continue down the path you are on. No one can make you a better you, except you. You have to want to be better. It is not always easy to pick your health and well being over every other thing going on in your life. It is OKAY to want happiness. Happiness does not come in a box wrapped in pretty paper and a ribbon. Happiness is a state of mind that needs constant attention to help it last. Choose to nurture yourself and happiness is easier to sustain.  Help yourself. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

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Let IT GO…whatever it is that is holding you back. Claim your life. Every rotten, wonderful moment of it. You are worth your best effort. Forgive yourself. You don’t have to be your toughest critic. Why is it we are all willing to cut our loved ones some slack but not ourselves? Perfection is a farce; a carnival mirror that plays tricks  with your mind. Learn to see yourself as others see you:  kind, intelligent, loving, friendly, determined. Ugly self-thought serves only one purpose, sabotage. Stop doing it! You are amazing! You just have to believe in yourself.

It only takes a spark to ignite a fire. Be the spark in your own life. I stopped believing in myself. I was lost for a very long time. My road has been mostly an uphill climb because I made it that way. I allowed the darkness of my inner turmoil to take over who I know I am. It nearly cost me every part of who I grew to be; the wonderful things that I liked about myself. We all have wonderful things about ourselves. You know its true. Ask that one person in your life that LOVES you just the way you are. What do they like about you? You may be surprised to find out that it has NOTHING to do with your appearance and more to do with the intangibles, like the gentleness of your love or your ability to see the goodness in people or…?

I got tired of feeling tired and sad. I missed happiness. I choose to help myself. Be well. Believe in the power that is you. YOU can do this!  Help yourself =  )

 

 

 

A Tweener

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As I stood in line waiting to head for lunch today an elderly woman behind me tugged at my shirt. I guess to neaten up my appearance but she nearly caused my pants to meet my ankles, without my permission! I turned to smile at her, hiked up my pants and wondered to myself whether or not I should try on some new outfits  =  )

Yup this is me; who I have become, a tweener. I thought being a tween was an age thing. I have come to learn it’s also the feeling of frustration in the weighting zone. I am stuck BETWEEN sizes. Soon the clothes that have been living in my closet and not on me will fit once again. I am happy but I am fighting with myself over my rising impatience. Nothing that is worth having ever comes at an easy price. The sad thing about instant gratification is that the exuberant feeling of ultimate happiness lasts just a little bit less each time. People chase happiness. Instead of enjoying the moment we are in, we tend to chase after yet another beam of sunshine as if there isn’t enough sun at the beach we call life.

Truth be told I slowly became overweight. It has taken me the greater part of my life to become the hot mess I was. I don’t ever recall saying to myself, “damn it sure is taking me a long time to get heavy!” so why do I worrying about getting less fat? It is hard not to crawl into the negativity blanket my mind has woven for me. Rolled tightly into a ball in the corner it feels so warm and inviting, but I know the truths that lie there. Ugly, mean rumors and lies that I allow my psyche to feed me. I alone erode my self confidence. Having a little confidence in the power of you is a good thing. It’s that little voice inside your head that says, ” you can do this! keep going, never give up!” Confidence gives you the strength you need when you think you can’t do something one minute more. It gives you the courage to walk on.

It is Okay to be a tweener. It  gives you the luxury of taking a deep breath and resting a moment so you can right your course if need be or to carry on to the next challenge. Perhaps my body knows better than I do that a steady pace is better than blowing all of my energy on the first lap.  Relax in the journey, take it all in, make a moment. I rejoined my journey to the Land of Normal Sizes in February. I am better prepared this time. I know I am the one leading this adventure. I can enjoy the trip or complain for the whole ride. The easier path lies in the attitude. I choose to be in my moments good and bad. Hopefully I will learn a few things about myself. I am pretty sure I already have  =  )

 

I Mean To Shine

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I am on the journey of my life but then again aren’t we all?  What is that inner voice that tells you that THIS time it will be your turn to shine?  I believe in can be found at the heart of you. It is a part of who you really wish to be, the best version of yourself. If you just listen carefully you can hear your own cheer squad.

“Here comes another dawn for every child to see
This time the morning sun is burning just for me
I’ve got the skyward eyes like I never had before
Just smile and say goodbye, show me to the door

For every one there comes a precious time
To break away

I mean to shine, oh, I mean to shine
As I look out on the morning sun
I know I mean to shine…”

These are the beginning  lyrics from one of my favorite songs; I Mean to Shine. It is about finding out that your own light is just as bright as everyone else’s. It is about believing in yourself, setting yourself free and living in your moment. Why shouldn’t  it be your turn?  Believe in yourself. Choose your path. This is YOUR journey! Make it count. It’s never too late to start a bad day over. I think the inner voice that everyone seeks to find, the voices that help you to be the best version of yourself, are the twin sisters of true success; Faith and Hope. Everything is possible when you hang out with these two. You couldn’t ask for better friends. When you have faith in yourself you can do anything you hope for.  Dream big, believe in yourself, and SHINE    =  )

You’ve  Got THIS !

Support

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This Saturday I am celebrating a NSV or to the non-Weight Watcher a non scale victory. Last week’s meeting was about support. Everyone should have a good support system in place. It is life’s journey made much more fun and adventurous. It is amazing what happens when you have the support you need. A statement that has never been truer than this week. Most people are a little shy about saying things that need to be said. I have never suffered from this problem. I have often gotten myself into trouble because of it. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be.

I have been giving all of my best efforts to myself and this new WWs program. Some moments are really tough. A slide towards the danger zone difficult to steer my way out of. I have talked myself down from the cliff of doom of few times. I nicknamed the weak moments of good Trish/bad Trish, the cliff. I see it as me standing on the edge of a cliff wanting to reach new heights yet finding myself rife with uncertainty. I need to make the choice. Will I be good Trish? and do what’s right for me or will I be bad Trish and choose not to care, jeopardizing everything I am working so hard for? This journey I am trying to always pick good Trish. I find that every time I chose the right thing for myself I am more happy, more at peace, more confident.

It is a wonderful feeling when you weigh-in and the scale rewards you for your hard work. I had a tough week. I barely hung on some days. I was not overly surprised that I was up a little bit. I am still here. I am doing this for the long haul. There will bumps along my way. It is on me whether or not I trip and fall. I am learning new things everyday about myself and my strength.

I have been lucky in my adult life to have a great support system. My hubby, who loves and supports my journey. He is very accepting of the hot mess that makes me the girl of his dreams. Every Saturday morning he gives me a pep talk before I leave for weigh in.  My bestie, without her I would wither and die. She brings light to my soul. She makes me laugh. She is my adventure buddy. She is the secretary at my piss and moan sessions quietly “taking notes” until the bullsh*t meter gets too high. She brings me back to reality with a quick quip and the best giggle. She makes me see that not all is lost. The readers of my blog, thank you for all the positive feedback both in person and behind the keyboard. It gives me a sense of accomplishment I have difficulty accurately expressing. The peeps at my WWs meeting, I enjoy every single minute we are together. You make me think, laugh, and sometimes cry. You are a happy thought during my week when things get tough. I can’t lose without you. Only at WWs can you win when you are losing  =  )

I have never been happier to be a LOSER. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.