Syncope? Well, almost…

Someone should have warned me to keep my hands inside the ride! You are at an amusement park. You have been waiting in line for over an hour to ride the “NEXT GREATEST RIDE” in all of the world. An attendant takes your ticket, you alight to your seat, someone comes along to make sure you are seated in an upright secure position, and just before that cutsie attendant flips the switch to START they throw out the legal and customary jargon “you are about to embark on a dangerous ride, blah, blah, blah, please keep hands and feet inside the ride at all times.” Well nobody warned me about this roller coaster!Roller_Coaster_Rules

In January I had an episode of irregular heart beats. I have been to a cardiologist. I was extremely relieved when the doctor told me my heart is fine! Yes, happy me ( I am jumping up and down, you just can’t see me). Seems it’s Mother Nature’s way of telling me, “Our fun together is not over. We are racing toward a new path called, MENOPAUSE! Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. You may experience turbulence and other strange and maniacal changes. Really? I finally make it to middle age and she wants to pick a fight with me?

Things have been going along quite well. Now when I feel my heart doing it impression of flight of the bumblee

I simply take a few deep breaths and calmly talk myself down from the rising panic I feel. Soon my rhythm returns to its norm and all is well in my world, until this Wednesday. I had Tuesday and Wednesday off from work, lovingly paid for with my vacation time. What should have been a joyous few days off turned into a roller coaster ride I was ill prepared for. Amazing to me how sometimes Life just balls up her fists and wants to challenge you to a duel. I am learning to be calm while I am trapped (with supplies, cable and heat) in the house. I was almost happy to spend Tuesday indoors during the storm. I avoided watching the news and I found ways (chores) to keep myself busy. I will not bore you with the details of the shovel fest that took place as I am sure many of you reading this took part in your own version. Hubby and I got up fairly early on Wednesday morning with big plans of hanging out together, getting things done and enjoying each other {wink, wink} but I woke up feeling off. Maybe I was getting my Spring cold?

I shrugged it off. There was much coffee (half-café because it is better for your heart) drinking in the morning. I was getting the laundry sorted, picking up around the house, playing video games…I never ate breakfast, 1st BIG MISTAKE. Coffee, even when it is powered down, is not good on an empty stomach. Hubby and I headed out for a light lunch. I did eat most of my lunch but as I was not feeling well I really only picked at my food. My hubby knew I wasn’t feeling well. I knew he knew because when something doesn’t work for me I will tell you every five minutes or so just in case I might not have mentioned in the last hour. Bad habit, all mine!!! sorry, not sorry; this is how my worry manifests itself.

One might think that I am wise beyond my years but that is a lie. I am strong-willed. Surprised? NO? I didn’t think so. I wasn’t going to let my illness get in my way. I informed my hubby I was off to see a man about a new set of tires for our Jeep. I dropped my dear one off at the house and went along my merry way to another venture. I should have just stayed home, 2nd BIG MISTAKE. Things were going along swimmingly at the tire store but my discomfort was growing. I was getting antsy pants sitting in the waiting area and the feeling I had been trying to ignore all day about being off was suddenly knocking at my chest. I asked to use the restroom. I barely made it through the door. Why is my vision fading out? my ears are ringing? Oh boy I feel so queasy. I somehow managed to lock the door behind me and sit down(hard) on the toilet seat. I stripped off my winter coat and in the process tore my hoodie and t-shirt off with it at the same time! Great! Now I am sitting in a public restroom(yikes! and yuck!) in my bra and jeans fighting to stay conscious! In case no one has ever told you, adrenaline is awesome!!! in small doses!

I am in full panic mode. Somehow I manage to text hubby that am I very sick and that I am in the bathroom at the tire store. I was so scared. Imagine this. If I pass out, someone will break down the door. I will be found sprawled on the floor wearing a bra and jeans. This terrifying thought helped me to focus on staying alert. My terror lasted fifteen L_O_N_G minutes. I have never come this close to fainting in public in the entirety of my life. My skin clammy, my breathing ragged, my vision fading, my ears ringing. After many cold paper towels on my face while chanting “do not pass out do not pass out” I could feel myself getting better. I sent hubby a text, redressed myself and got the hell out of Dodge as quickly as the tire tech guys could set me free.

I am fine! Low blood pressure with a side of low blood sugar, no Bueno! Taking care of yourself means learning to listen to what your body is telling you! Lesson learned!


I am unsure of how many men read my blog so I want to start by apologizing in advance. This post is girl biased. I lived for years with the shame of having way too much sand for my sandbags. I have never(not once in my lifetime) ever enjoyed shopping for a bra. The Trish of old would safety pin, glue, sew; hell, if I could’ve fixed a favorite bra with a staple gun I would have been the girl to give it a try =  )  It is difficult for me to feel comfortable about my breasts. Most women have a hate/love relationship over it. Over the years I’ve settled for; if they behave I will be happy. C’mon you know what I mean about behaving. Stay in your cups, no sneaking out.

Some bras push your kibbles and bits sooooo close together you look like you are hiding your unborn Siamese twin. Some are great in the support arena even if they snap you into an unnatural posture. Others are not intended for large full loads but I will admit I bought you because you looked pretty. Even I can be drawn in by false beauty, DAMN! My favorite unfavorite is the underwire. I mean really, you would think that by name alone it would do as it implies and STAY under your breasts to lift and separate. LIES!!! The wire tends to slide back and forth like a bow across a fiddle, poking you in the armpit randomly causing just enough discomfort to make you grit your teeth while trying to accomplish the simplest every day tasks like breathing.

I have come to the part of this journey where my old tried and trues no longer do their job. I have lost enough back fat to necessitate a newer smaller set of cups and spoons. Time for the dreaded(ful) bra fitting. I am not a hugger by nature so you can just imagine how uncomfortable I feel whilst another woman comes at me with a tape measure and a look of disbelief or horror, yes, it could be horror I see there. (I am afraid to ask)! I can not tell you how happy I am that I am on the last set of hooks instead of stretching the first set almost free from its anchored slots. After weigh-in tomorrow morning I plan on putting on my bravest smile, tame my fears and head to Lady Grace.  I am ready to (be groped and prodded) fitted for new, flattering, well-fitting friends . Never let it be said that I am not brave enough to face my demons head on.

I grew these beauties myself. I try to take good care of them( I still wash them by hand every day!). Be kind to yourself. Buy some new gear! Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be!