Support

This Saturday I am celebrating a NSV or to the non-Weight Watcher a non scale victory. Last week’s meeting was about support. Everyone should have a good support system in place. It is life’s journey made much more fun and adventurous. It is amazing what happens when you have the support you need. A statement that has never been truer than this week. Most people are a little shy about saying things that need to be said. I have never suffered from this problem. I have often gotten myself into trouble because of it. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be.

I have been giving all of my best efforts to myself and this new WWs program. Some moments are really tough. A slide towards the danger zone difficult to steer my way out of. I have talked myself down from the cliff of doom of few times. I nicknamed the weak moments of good Trish/bad Trish, the cliff. I see it as me standing on the edge of a cliff wanting to reach new heights yet finding myself rife with uncertainty. I need to make the choice. Will I be good Trish? and do what’s right for me or will I be bad Trish and choose not to care, jeopardizing everything I am working so hard for? This journey I am trying to always pick good Trish. I find that every time I chose the right thing for myself I am more happy, more at peace, more confident.

It is a wonderful feeling when you weigh-in and the scale rewards you for your hard work. I had a tough week. I barely hung on some days. I was not overly surprised that I was up a little bit. I am still here. I am doing this for the long haul. There will bumps along my way. It is on me whether or not I trip and fall. I am learning new things everyday about myself and my strength.

I have been lucky in my adult life to have a great support system. My hubby, who loves and supports my journey. He is very accepting of the hot mess that makes me the girl of his dreams. Every Saturday morning he gives me a pep talk before I leave for weigh in.  My bestie, without her I would wither and die. She brings light to my soul. She makes me laugh. She is my adventure buddy. She is the secretary at my piss and moan sessions quietly “taking notes” until the bullsh*t meter gets too high. She brings me back to reality with a quick quip and the best giggle. She makes me see that not all is lost. The readers of my blog, thank you for all the positive feedback both in person and behind the keyboard. It gives me a sense of accomplishment I have difficulty accurately expressing. The peeps at my WWs meeting, I enjoy every single minute we are together. You make me think, laugh, and sometimes cry. You are a happy thought during my week when things get tough. I can’t lose without you. Only at WWs can you win when you are losing  =  )

I have never been happier to be a LOSER. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

 

The View From the Cliff

I find myself on the edge of a cliff uncertain if I can maintain my balance. I teeter on the edge between believe and unbelievable. I am not ready to give up. I am not afraid of heights. I am leery of them. My head begins to pound and for a second I think I will lose my footing. I won’t. I always catch myself. I wonder what will happen that one day when I don’t catch me. Will I plummet over the edge into an abyss never to reappear? I struggle everyday with a pain that pierces me to my core. Some days it hurts just to draw breath; until I realize I am not breathing. I am holding in my tears or my anger or my fear.

I am tired of feeling this way. There is a difference between living and being alive. Somewhere in my life I stopped living. I go through the motions of living but I don’t really care if I am. I know this is dangerous territory to be in. I need, I need, I need to stop. I foolishly lost what I once had from fear. I want to change things but I am afraid. I am afraid to succeed.

Am I worth it? everyday I disappoint myself. I talk myself out of getting off my asscake and working on the me I need. Why is that? I have no real answer except fear. The crap a person is willing to live with instead of facing the unknown. I infuriate myself. I am at the crossroads once again. If I can just believe in myself I got this. I can handle what is next. If I just believe. Where’s Tinkerbell when a girl really needs her?