We are not alone on this path of life. Everyday we get up, we get ready to face our day, we kiss our loved ones on the way out the door, we enter the mayhem of another day. I am sitting here tonight trying to come up with a positive post for my fellow WWs who are kind enough to follow my blog…but my head hurts. The nightly news has been horrific of late. I try not to get too wrapped up in the turmoil of the moment. For every story there is a back story. Usually it is the story the media doesn’t give much air time too. It may not be as strongly argued over or it just doesn’t draw in the ratings, whatever the end result might be, that back story should get told. It is too bad the media is not the place to find the answers or the truth that we richly deserve. I find if I spend too much time focusing my energy on the highlights of the media I give myself a headache. Just for the record…
To live is to learn
taking a different path
…if you want to see change in your world it is a good idea to start with YOURSELF. Love matters, kindness matters, caring matters. Be the change you need in your corner of the world. Learn to be the best example of yourself, be giving, be caring, listen. It is amazing how wonderful life can be when you give it a chance.
That’s my problem I spend way to much time wondering and not enough time doing. I need to get some stuff done. I have clouds to put my head in. I have Spring coming in soon and I am not ready. I am that oak tree stuck in my acorn waiting to emerge from my shell, take root and become magnificent. The story of my life. I have told myself for the better part of my life that I am a misfit. I don’t belong. I am unwanted. All lies. Lies I tell myself. I am sure most people tell themselves lies just to get through another day. The photos of your life tell you things about yourself you are unwilling to see on your own. If you were to look at mine you would see that I set myself apart from others so I can avoid rejection. Like unplugging the TV before the electricity quits. Who does that? why do I do that? everyone is afraid of rejection, of not fitting in, of being set apart from everyone else we so desperately want to be like. I sabotage myself. I kick me before anyone else can. I am afraid to be happy.
I went to my doctor yesterday. She is worried about me. I am worried about me. I like my doctor. She is kind. She listens. She counsels. She genuinely wants me to turn my path around so my health doesn’t decline any further than I have let it. 10/12/08 I weighed 174lbs. By 03/03/15 yeah ok way more than that. Why? because I threw my success away. I left WWs. I abandoned myself by the side of the road broken down, helpless.
I have something to tell you. I cheated on you. I am so sorry. We had some good times you and I. It wasn’t you. You did everything right. You were always right there for me. I am the cause of our failure. Our relationship didn’t last because you worked harder than I did. I lost faith in us. We have not once ever finished our dance. I punish myself the only way I know how. I walked away. I miss you. I miss the way you made me feel like I was alive. You gave me purpose. A dream to pursue. If I told you I was ready to finish our dance would you take me back? do you have enough faith in me? I hope you will always be in my corner, waiting for me to be willing.