Sister Act>>>Frustration & Doubt

I thought about you for most of my day yesterday. I have thoughts …if you will indulge me. I say this from my personal experience with this journey. Frustration, boy….she can be a great friend or the worst enemy you’ve ever had. I find when I am frustrated with a project that she (Frustration) often helps me to take a moment which helps me plan a new strategy or new path. However, when I am uncertain what to do she can linger longer than she should and then I find myself full of her best friend Doubt. All I can say is when those two start hanging around, Failure ,Abandonment, and Anger are usually close behind looking to get their party on. These party guest sometimes take me years to clean up after so I suggest you DON’T entertain them! Frustration is not like Joy. We all know Joy is wonderful to have around but she is fickle and often leaves a party without anyone noticing she is gone until it is too late and the air has gone out of all the balloons. Am I right? Then you might feel a little Frustrated but you know deep down that when Joy returns you will try to enjoy her more so you let Frustration go. You have the power to have Joy or Anger or Frustration or any of her other friends when you need them. Those emotions tend to be controllers in our lives instead of us guiding their use. I have often left my own journey because I GAVE UP on the power of ME! I let all of my unnamed anger, frustration, doubt rule what I want, who I want to be.

I have often dumped Joy, Love, and Acceptance by the wayside because I felt unworthy to accept their unconditional friendship. Know Your worth. Stand up for the distance you have traveled on this journey. Bad feelings are temporary. YOU CAN DO THIS! You are worth all of the struggle. You are enough. You are stronger in ways you never give yourself credit for.

I had to learn to make peace with who I am. I did not become overweight overnight. I will not get healthy overnight either. This time I do this for the best version of myself. The one I love. The one I respect. The version of myself that has learned to be JOYFUL, LOVING, ACCEPTING. Sure I still feel Frustrated but I just stopped entertaining her and her motley crew. I busy myself with things that I enjoy and things have a way of calming down.

Don’t throw your successes away, keep fighting the good fight. I am proud of you!

Never Give UP On The Person You Are Meant To Be!

What The Puck?

I had decided to chronicle my opinions, moods, anger, joy over the return to the sport of hockey to Worcester, MA. I didn’t do it because I didn’t want to hurt my hubby’s feelings. I often lament to my dear hubster when I am feeling vulnerable that I feel unnoticed, unwanted, under appreciated, invisible and unloved…but it never rings truer for me than when hockey season is in full swing. I will attempt to let you, the outsider, in on all the secrets of a hockey widow… and then I just didn’t do it. See above.

What good can come from being frustrated? I do not enjoy the stuff that surrounds the pregame BS of hockey. Unlike most casual fans of the game, my hubby ( a die hard fan )wishes to be at the arena almost a full two hours before the puck drop. EVERY SINGLE GAME !

 

Have I ever told you hubby doesn’t drive? I get angry because I feel like I am chained to this sport. I can’t go anywhere game days. I don’t get much done. I feel like I have no say in what I want or what I have TO DO those days.

As the first season draws to a close I can tell you here and now that my attitude has not changed about feeling trapped by this sport. I hold a deep resentment for my husband’s mistress (HOCKEY) but I love him. I think our life together has been able to sustain itself partly because we are both wise enough to know that compromises are a necessary evil for a healthy union along with respect, love, friendship, and flexibility. I need to find something to keep myself engaged while I am in the arena for the two plus hours I will be there. Start a memoir? read? sing? watch a movie? write posts for my blog?

podcast anyone? with witty repartee?

*** Today is March 29,2018***I started this post in October 2017 when I was feeling on the fence about the commitment hockey is in our lives. I love all of the people I have become friends with through hockey. My life is enriched by you in ways I can not articulate. ; )