Towel wrap at the ready I climb the few steps which lead from the ladies’ locker room to the pool. I gently push open the opaque glass door (one never knows if someone is too close to the door) as I walk onto the decking around the pool. The air is warm, humid and slightly pungent with the smell of everything pool. I swim in a saltwater pool, so the chlorine smell and its effects are much more muted, no red eyes, no burning nose, no skin irritation and best of all a longer life span for Lycra Spandex. I always do a quick visual inventory of the pool deck, who is already lane swimming, which lanes are open and of course, check the clock. A huge white faced, red second hand sweep jobber hangs near the far end of the pool opposite the locker room entrance which serves as a constant reminder that time is ever ticking, and the time slot waits for no one.

I place my towel, eyeglasses, and water bottle poolside onto a folding chair. I kick off my Crocs and make my way to the stairs. I try to always reserve Lane 1 or 2. It is just easier for me to access the water from there. I am older. I broke one of my legs some years ago so slipping into the pool from a railing is harder for me. This morning, I was blessed with Lane 3. Well, I was but an older woman was already lap swimming and pretended not to notice me. It happens, bad form on her part. A very nice man in Lane 1 split lanes with me so I could swim. he swam in Lane 2 and I in 1. He even apologized for the old broad in Lane 3. Who does that? He made my moment of frustration melt away. I thanked him and got down to business.

I am not a fast swimmer. My form needs work, but I give swimming my all. I do a mean back stroke and can hold my own with the side crawl. The pool is where I go to be alone. I do some of my best thinking in the water. I like to listen to the beating of my heart, the intake of air as I breathe through each stroke magnified by the water that surrounds my head. The rhythm of the sounds relaxes me. The stress and anger of life lifts. I am able to do 20 lengths before my time expires. It doesn’t seem like much but 88 lengths is a mile swim. I will get there. I know I will. I will be forever thankful to the public school system of Whitinsville MA for making me partake in swim lessons when I was in fourth grade. I was fearful of the instructor, a stern woman named Lorraine. If you are from Whitinsville, and of a certain age, you know who I am talking about but without her guidance I would not be able to do what I really enjoy.

I have never been one to belong to a gym. I do now, this is who I have allowed myself to be. I was never comfortable enough in my own skin to do any of the things I now enjoy: yoga, Barre, swimming, walking the treadmill, stationary bike…exercising. I even shower at the gym and go forward with my day. Who AM I? I guess it is true what is said about getting older. I really have learned that what I think I can achieve is more important than what someone else says (thinks) I am capable of. I have my own confidence, not borrowed or boosted like book from the library. I own it. I am a woman of a certain age. =)

I see you. You are loved. You are enough. I love that you are a part of my world. I am not always great with letting the people in my life know what they mean to me. Call it a weariness caused by a lifetime of letdown from people I should have been able to trust. Some dogs do indeed bite. I love the people who choose to be part of my life. I have residual sadness over the end of a few friendships with people I have parted ways with (creative differences). I am certain that I am not everyone’s cuppa tea. I am Okay with that. Just as I am certain they have since moved on and silenced the whys? of our undoing. This is not to say that my life path has not been blessed with wonderful people. It has. Some people have visited, some have stayed, some came spent time and then went away. I have learned something from everyone who has crossed into and out of my life. I have learned valuable life lessons from each person who walks the path with me even if it is only for a short while.

I am certain that I am living my best life because I work every day at being who I always dreamed I could be. I refuse to give up. Life is a journey don’t forget to enjoy it. There will be many stops along the way but the adventure rolls on. Veni, Vidi, Vici/ swim, swam, swum

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE.