Tag: hubby

Just Wonderful

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Whenever someone asks me how I am I always reply, I am just wonderful. Sometimes I mean it the exact way it comes out. I am just? wonderful = (     I am JUST wonderful!   I am just wonderful.  #IAMJUSTWONDERFUL and the truth lies there somewhere within.

I had a great week. I sit here most Friday nights and I update whomever it is sitting on the other side of these words and I recount my headspace. Was I in a good mood? Did I make better choices? How I am feeling emotionally about some of the craziest things in and around my life. Tonight I didn’t feel as if I had anything to say. Hubby and I stop in for supper at our favorite local pizza shop after my blog has been published every Friday. Tonight he made polite inquiries into when I might be ready to go get some “groceries”. He asked me how much longer I might need to finish up and he seemed quite surprised when I informed him I had not yet written ONE SINGLE WORD. He threw me a quizzical look and asked me if I was all right. Of course, I responded, “I am just? wonderful = (  ”

“What’s wrong?”

“I had a really good week food-wise. I don’t know what to write about. Maybe nobody really wants to hear I did ok this week, that I was in a good space and I just enjoyed my life. My blog is supposed to be about my WW struggles”

“I think you found your blog post. Write about doing well.” I frown.

“What if I jinx myself?” My hubby looks at me sideways, “Do you really believe that?”

I guess somewhere on some level my inner child must believe in the power of self-jinxing, why else would I hold onto such a ridiculous idea? Practice something new long enough it becomes a routine or a habit, hopefully a good one. Maybe that’s what is really going on. I have finally accepted this truth for myself; I feel wonderful and I like feeling well. I noticed this week that some old pieces of clothing, t-shirts mostly, that I keep for my “full” days are no longer comfortable to wear. So holding to my new philosophy of ‘if it does not fit, do not keep’, I have four bags of gently loved clothing to donate.

As soon as I took ownership for my well being I began to feel better. I work on being the better version of myself everyday.  #IAMJUSTWONDERFUL  thanks for asking  =  )

Is it okay to admit that I feel amazing? because I do! feel amazing that is ; )

Never Give UP On The Person You Are Meant To Be

Learning to be kind to one’s self is the toughest feat

So Is This How Old Feels?

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…and if it is can we start a different game? For the first time in my recent history I just may feel as old as I actually am. I am not feeling well. I feel tired, run down. I am typing this blind right now because my eyes are burning so badly that I can not focus even with my glasses on. Ever since my episode of A-fib I have not been sleeping well, more from my own worries than whatever it is that my heart is doing. Yes, I am doing my adulting. I have an appointment with a cardiologist so let the testing begin ( and may the odds ever be in your favor). My symptoms are keeping quiet for the most part and my life is sort of back to the hot mess it has always been.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have never had the misfortune of being unwell. I am usually the one who takes care of everybody else. My poor hubby is worried about me in a way I don’t think he has ever been before. I love him for that but all of the hovering is making me nervous. He has no idea how to help me. His role has always been to comb my ruffled feathers back into place when a hair gets across my ass or I am upset over something small, trivial and of the utmost importance to me and me alone.

I am back to me. The me that was in this (better eating for a better me) for the long haul before the holidays hit. I shopped, I logged, I conquered. Well at least I did better with my choices this week and that, in my book, is a win. I feel like I accomplished something good for myself. I feel like I can continue to learn, live and succeed as a WW.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE !

Bleak Friday

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I was awake before my alarm this morning. It is Black Friday. Looks like I didn’t make it through the looking glass and Alice  will have to carry on for another year without me while I try to figure out how to get back through the rabbit hole.  I am not the winning contestant on The Voice. I am not any wealthier. I am not married to a man twenty years younger than I am. My vacation is over. I take this week off every year, dreaming for a different outcome. An outcome that never comes to fruition.

Why do people feel the need to squeeze me so tightly with their needs? I feel cornered. I just want to turn tail and escape. I just wanted a week away from the noise. I wanted to bask in the freedom of letting people fend for themselves. I do not have the answers! I am not the FIXER! Why do people look to me for the calm that is missing in their lives?

You want the truth? Most days I am so anxious I want to throw up. I don’t want to get dressed let alone partake in living but I do it. Why? because I have wasted enough of my life waiting for a better day to rear its head. This is who I am. I have spent a good portion of my life running away from myself. Today I feel lonely. I feel like I wasted another week of vacation over trivial crap I will never care about.

What I really wanted for my vacation was to get away, from the job, co workers, from myself. I wanted some time alone to grieve. My hubby had to work so I needed to get up early everyday to take him to work. He doesn’t drive. No going anywhere to have fun unless I could be back for around 2 every afternoon. No time to get anything done. No time to cry, or write, or be alone.

What did I learn? Next time I will shut off my cellphone. Next time I will take a different vacation if my job denies my hubby’s vacation time again. Next time I will have a plan in place to have an adventure that I want to do. I need to remember to be true to myself. I am responsible for my own happiness. I forgot to ensure my own happiness. I foolishly  let down my radar. I got burned. My bad, won’t happen again.

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It Didn’t Happen…

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Sometimes an adventure doesn’t go the way I envision it. The stars don’t align, my destination is inexplicably closed, my vehicle misbehaves. I can get angry or I can find the adventure in the Missed Adventure I have been dealt. Find the joy where you are. This past weekend stuff went awry. I ventured out with a friend from work for an afternoon of fun. Our plan was to walk the Quabbin Reservoir, visit a winery (for some shenanigans) and hit Rose 32 Bread for lunch. And that’s when… the grapes hit the fan.

Okay so maybe that’s a little over the top but things didn’t go as planned. I came home from my usual Saturday morning meeting/weigh in. I fed hubby and the cat (PIMYA). I rechecked my notes, maps, and snackies and set out. I sent a text to my friend letting her know I would be in her neighborhood by 10 o’clock. I was driving up Route 9 towards the Brookfields when I realized I hadn’t yet gassed Bessie up for our adventure. When things start to go wrong, the fallout gathers speed rather quickly. If you are not careful the whole day can be ruined. I’m a worrier by nature so I was starting to feel a little stressed. “Breathe, Trish, just breathe” Yes, I talk to myself, who doesn’t? I am a firm believer that a positive outcome can be achieved if you keep trying for one = )

After much fanfare and a few false starts I finally made it to my friend’s house. I am an easy travel companion; I don’t mind if others want to join our band of mayhem and mischief makers so our duet became a quartet and we headed out. The ride to the winery was the best part of our morning trip. The road and surrounding scenery were awe inspiring and beautiful. I try to give credit when and where it is warranted. Having said that, notice I make NO MENTION of this winery by name or give it free publicity. It simply didn’t live up to it’s glowing reputation. Our band of merry makers arrived just shy of 11 o’clock. The grounds were manicured, beautiful, and void of any activity. I checked my phone for the time. They should be opened. Hmm?

The early bird doesn’t always catch the worm. Sometimes he snags a crabby apple. Just our luck =( The best way to get and keep a repeat customer is to give them something to come back for. I offer nothing here except that I was greatly disappointed by the failure of this part of our journey. I give credit to my fellow adventures who let their obvious disappoint roll off their backs. We simply finished up and MOVED ON. Being in the right mind set makes the difference between success and failure. We  ventured down to the road a bit and found a slice of Heaven in the way of a local café/bakery.

Did you live near a local bakery when you were growing up? To know the smell of fresh baked wonderfulness makes my inner child squee with a delighted happiness I can only compare to a paid day off, an early winter thaw, finding money on the sidewalk = pure JOY. I read the offerings mindfully and chose wisely. I was not disappointed. The bread fresh, made on site, all of the components equally fresh and eye appealing.Rose 32 Bread made the sour memory of the winery fade into a minor glitch in an otherwise perfect day.

The key to success? Be prepared for what may come your way. Our adventure didn’t turn out the way it was planned. I met a new friend (hi, Jordan!). I reconnected with a cute little girl who has turned into quite the young woman (hi, Sadie!). My coworker (Kim) was patient, fun, and generous; never complaining once about the turn of events. All in all our Missed Adventure turned out nicely. I try to approach my WW journey with the same winning attitude. I try my best to make the best choices for myself. I stop and take a deep breath when things feel like they are slipping from my grasp. I adjust my plan and move on. I don’t always succeed but I never give up.

 

 

 

 

Support

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This Saturday I am celebrating a NSV or to the non-Weight Watcher a non scale victory. Last week’s meeting was about support. Everyone should have a good support system in place. It is life’s journey made much more fun and adventurous. It is amazing what happens when you have the support you need. A statement that has never been truer than this week. Most people are a little shy about saying things that need to be said. I have never suffered from this problem. I have often gotten myself into trouble because of it. Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be.

I have been giving all of my best efforts to myself and this new WWs program. Some moments are really tough. A slide towards the danger zone difficult to steer my way out of. I have talked myself down from the cliff of doom of few times. I nicknamed the weak moments of good Trish/bad Trish, the cliff. I see it as me standing on the edge of a cliff wanting to reach new heights yet finding myself rife with uncertainty. I need to make the choice. Will I be good Trish? and do what’s right for me or will I be bad Trish and choose not to care, jeopardizing everything I am working so hard for? This journey I am trying to always pick good Trish. I find that every time I chose the right thing for myself I am more happy, more at peace, more confident.

It is a wonderful feeling when you weigh-in and the scale rewards you for your hard work. I had a tough week. I barely hung on some days. I was not overly surprised that I was up a little bit. I am still here. I am doing this for the long haul. There will bumps along my way. It is on me whether or not I trip and fall. I am learning new things everyday about myself and my strength.

I have been lucky in my adult life to have a great support system. My hubby, who loves and supports my journey. He is very accepting of the hot mess that makes me the girl of his dreams. Every Saturday morning he gives me a pep talk before I leave for weigh in.  My bestie, without her I would wither and die. She brings light to my soul. She makes me laugh. She is my adventure buddy. She is the secretary at my piss and moan sessions quietly “taking notes” until the bullsh*t meter gets too high. She brings me back to reality with a quick quip and the best giggle. She makes me see that not all is lost. The readers of my blog, thank you for all the positive feedback both in person and behind the keyboard. It gives me a sense of accomplishment I have difficulty accurately expressing. The peeps at my WWs meeting, I enjoy every single minute we are together. You make me think, laugh, and sometimes cry. You are a happy thought during my week when things get tough. I can’t lose without you. Only at WWs can you win when you are losing  =  )

I have never been happier to be a LOSER. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

 

March On

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As February is preparing to make its exit into March, I am taking a few moments to think about the good things I managed to do for myself. Instead of wallowing in the sorrow I allow to consume me every year on Brenda’s birthday, I went back to WWs. I wanted to do something positive for myself on her day. Put a different twist on the day. I made a commitment to myself. Live for the day you awake to. Do the best you can with the moment you are in. Be kinder to yourself. Everyone makes bad choices but one bad rock does not spoil a stone wall. Listen to how you feel. If you are angry verbalize why. Even if no one else is listening, you hear you. It’s OK to let go.

Let go of the emotions that keep you tied to the version of yourself that you don’t like. Stop calling yourself bad names. When left alone with my thoughts sometimes they (I am)are mean to me. I alone allow myself to be negative over small slights of weakness or anger or sorrow. Why? Have you ever just asked yourself why?  No? Me either. Odd but true the people in your life love you just as you are. So why do I suck at liking myself? I set my self expectations way too high above my limitations that’s why.

My back is finally on the mend, most of my mobility has returned which is just wonderful.  Every February during school vacation a group of gaming geeks gather for a weekend of gaming. It is about the  exchanging of ideas, bad food and the great company of people you love that you haven’t seen in a year. Not my cup of tea but it makes the hubster happy so I tag along. I spend my weekend being the trophy wife and running around fake shopping and exploring with my best gal pal, Jadira. This year my bestie was ill with a bad bout of bronchitis and I was a stiff painful back muscle cramp. We both tried to have a great weekend but in truth I would say on a scale from disastrous to cool we mellowed out somewhere around ehh, it was ok.

I tried to stay on program as much as possible. I even went to a WWs meeting on Saturday just like I was at home. Yippee for me. I am trying to stick to my guns, to become a better version of myself. For the first time in more than a few years I feel like I can do this.