Tag: inspire

Not My Best = (

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I struggle with being patient. I hate to wait. I try to keep my inner rage a secret. Sometimes though it bubbles to the surface, a meltdown starts and I have a mini explosion before I can fully regain my composure. Sorry.

Contrary to my own popular belief, I am human. I make mistakes. I can be hateful, mean and petty. I strive everyday to be better than the worst example of myself. This week has been a bitch. A slight runny nose blossomed into a full blown head cold early Tuesday morning. As I sit here writing I am huffing and puffing through my mouth as my nose refuses to breathe. I am angry and frustrated. I needed this cold to be gone Tuesday night! Last week I missed my Friday night writing deadline for my WWs meeting. Truth be told I was exhausted and emotionally spent. I wasn’t feeling the love for myself or anyone else to sit long enough to capture my thoughts in the hopes someone would feel inspired. I wasn’t feeling inspired. I am sorry. I was not my best.

I sort of tracked this week. I am sure my relaxed attempts will reflect back at me tomorrow from the scale. Am I okay with that? I should be and yet I am not. I need to be at my best to really put forth the effort needed to change a lifelong bad habit of abusing myself with poor food choices. Do you know what happens when I don’t feel my best?  I don’t DO my best. I start to feel sorry myself. If I start listening to the dark voices of my addiction that tell me, “just ONE won’t hurt!” I will be finished. When your addiction is food,” just one more” can ruin every thing you have accomplished.  It is hard for me to be good to myself when I have medicine head. All I really want to do is lie down in the middle of whatever it is I am pretending to do and CRY.

I haven’t cried but I have struggled.  I want to feed my anger and my frustration. I know it is not a great idea.  I am forgiving myself for not being at my best. I am trying to accept that on this journey I will falter and make mistakes. I have learned the most amazing things from some of the mistakes I have had. I will pick myself up, pull up my big girl panties and work through this! I will hold my head up high (my nose runs less this way) I will move forward and carry on. I can do this. I will do this. I want to be in every minute of this journey, bumpy road and all. img_20161104_174522668.jpg

Never Give Up on the Person You Are Meant to BE !

 

 

 

Inspiration…

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…that word fell out of someone’s mouth today about me. I inspire people to be bigger than they allow themselves to be. News to me. I felt a little overwhelmed by the thought actually. I often feel like a stick living a quiet life trapped in a quagmire(cool word). Floating through my life not having any real affect on anyone. Funny what we are willing to believe about ourselves. Even stranger to try to accept what others hold onto about you. I know that often I like to hold onto a belief that is untrue. I tell myself I am unworthy. I don’t use that word specifically but the sum of all the other words that scamper around my head add up to UNWORTHY or HOPELESS or something along the lines of “what you want isn’t important”. I am important. I am beautiful. I am Trish. My value as a person is ten times what I believe it is. So why do I tear myself down? why do any of us do it?

There is always someone out there waiting in the wings to tell you bad things about the who that you are. It is something that I wish we as a people could learn to stop doing. Instead of throwing people under a bus why can’t we help them climb on board? be that hand that reaches out to help instead of slap you down? Funny thing about love and kindness it GOES NOWHWERE unless it is shared. In my encounters, with people that run through the valley of my life, I like to say something positive about themselves to them. Novel concept? maybe but I like the smile I get in return. I am honest and kind. I love the people in my life. I care about each one differently and yet the same. They stay in my life which speaks volumes about the type of person I am. Who I can be. People don’t venture into a garden for the bees ( well I am sure some might) they wander in to see the glory of the blooms contained within. People naturally are attracted to beauty. So maybe I am the garden in someone’s life, how cool is that?

Self-worth or an understanding of what you mean to yourself is often pushed aside or buried by people. I do it. You do it. It is ok to be. It is ok to like yourself just as you are. There will never be another you, EVER. Accept every wonderful and dark thing about you;  because this is it. Your show. Your time. A small belief in oneself can lead to such wonderful and amazing adventures.

I think I like inspiring people.