Fortune Cookie Wisdom?

Put out into the World that which serves you best. My way of saying,” be kind and see kindness returned, show love and understanding, be loved and understood. Put your best efforts forward, be rewarded with a job well done. I have not blogged for awhile. It is hard some days keeping my happy/healthy mindset in check. Let’s face it, most days the only thing people are thinking about is when will COVID finish running its course. Will we be okay? Will I be the next person to get sick?

It is increasingly more difficult to stay positive, to be happy, to be hopeful especially when the people in your life, people who mean everything to you are distressed. This weekend hubby and I raked our leaves, a chore I admit that I loathe and yet it felt like a day in the land of normal. The air brisk, the sky bright, the mood awesome. It felt AMAZING. We even managed to go out and buy a chest freezer without having to wait until our “item” would be back in stock. An all around stellar day. AND… then there was Sunday, {{{sigh}}}

My Sunday mornings have been the same routine since March. I get to wake up without an alarm (best feeling) I trudge out to the kitchen, start the coffee, gather laundry. I have a standing 8:30 am ZOOM meeting with fellow WWs many of whom I have become quite friendly with. I like to think of our group as a beautiful oasis in the midst in the Desert of Menusha. This lovely group of people boost my happiness quotient each week and I really miss someone when they don’t show up.

My usual Sunday started out well enough. Coffee was made, laundry was started, I was working on my bill pay and grocery list. I was making a second pot of Joe so I could sit and enjoy my meeting when the noises or lack of noises caught my attention. There is something to be said about an old fashioned wash tub and board. They never broke down UNLESS the operator did. My wash machine was doing its own version of “the Electric Slide”. Hubby and I bought a new washing machine shortly after we moved into our first home in 2012. I am grateful that she waited until deep quarantine version 1.0 was over before she decided to take one last spin. I am grateful that we will have a new machine before deep quarantine version 2.0 begins. Her breakdown took me away from my WWs, my thoughts, my friends, my enjoyment. Well , not entirely but I was distracted because of it.

My laundry is in limbo but only until tomorrow afternoon = ) I managed to finish my bill pay, go grocery shopping, do dishes, enjoy being. My day got a little sidetracked but it still ended up better than I thought it might.

UPDATE: 11/19/2020

I am happy to report that I really love my new machine. I have never been so excited to do laundry before. LOL

11/28/2020 UPDATE…to the update: I somehow forgot? was distracted? dunno? missed posting this. So now that it is time for another blog post I am marrying my “now” thoughts to my “then” thoughts of 11/15/2020 so bare with me and try to stay along side whilst I take a run at this, Okay?

Earlier I was chatting about my friends from WWs. How important they are to me and how I often hope that in some small way I mean something to them. Never underestimate your power. What you represent/give/are to someone else when you are not aware can and does have the most awesome sparkle. On this trip around the sun I decided to be more of who I really am and less of what I think people want from me and you know what? I am happy. I enjoy people more. I want to see what the next day and the day after that brings.

I always wanted to be heard. I got so busy shouting, “HEY! What about me? look at me!” that I forgot how to listen. Listen to myself, to wait and listen to others, to hear what the people in my life are really asking for, to understand that they needed me to just BE there to be. I have never been able to keep still, to be calm, quiet, to just BE. I struggle to relax. I am better at it but just. I have my days. I try everyday to slow my roll, to listen to what I need, what you need, what is needed before I act. Who knew inner peace was such a workout?

Listening is a life skill that I am apparently going to spend the rest of my life learning to manage. Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be. I’m not.

ATE

As I sit to write this I realize that this is my eighth week on program. The time seems to have flown by. I am amazed by how much more alert, happy and full of energy I am. Don’t get me wrong I have struggled. Some days I struggle to hold it together all day long. I am not good at dealing with anger in a positive way. I have spent most of my life avoiding the emotional repercussions of anger.  The more I try NOT to own a disappointment the larger that dress(anger is just disappointment in an ugly dress) becomes both emotionally and physically. The more effort I put into avoiding how I feel the more likely I am to calm those raw feelings with food.

I have been trying to choose better ways to deal with the things that cause me to get aggravated, frustrated, put out and worn down. I blog. I go for a walk. I call my bestie. I plan out summer field trips and adventures. I window shop for smaller clothing. Odd how a little honesty goes a long way. Some times I manage to talk myself out from under a bad mood or a bad day, sometimes not. What I’m learning is it is okay to get angry as long as I don’t allow that anger  to control how I treat myself or other people.

I am beginning to notice my size is changing for the smaller. It is a wonderful, joyous feeling to put on a piece of clothing and realize it fits better. I actually have a little more moving around room. My shirts are getting longer in length as there is less of me to cover. I missed that feeling of accomplishment. It is a nice change to shout “Atta girl” out loud in my mind instead of the dark mutterings I used to actually listen too. Never give up on the person you are meant to be. You got this! Atta Girl!