Roll the Dice

It looks like the last time I blogged it was mid-November. Tomorrow is the last day of 2018. I am not one to make resolutions, too much folly. If I really wanted to exact change I could do it anytime I needed to not just because a new year was unfolding. I cleaned house after my last post, unfollowing a few blogs that in my opinion had become to preachy or at least they seemed that way to me. When I started writing I wanted to blog about being a successful WW but I am way better at the snacks than I am at the eating healthier. I painted myself into a corner by not writing about everyday things. Things that I care about along with the ups and downs of trying to mend bad habits. Every time I do really well at eating for a better me I find a way to sabotage myself. I am sure some of my failure comes from the weird expectations I put on myself. Some of it comes from making myself believe that some foods are not “good enough”. Some of the sabotage comes from WWs and their never ending making their plan better. Odd thing nutrition is what it is. I mean an egg is an egg while a root beer float is well.. you get what I am trying to say, I hope.

What has happened to my common sense? I remember once thumbing through a self help book called Eat This,selfhelp Not That. I thought it was an interesting concept but the problem with self help is that most people are only interested for short spurts. Jobs, spouses, life in general gets in the way and habits once formed are very tough to break. Self help books work like a Band-Aid, not a real fix just a temporary solution for a bigger problem.

I have been sick for most of December with a nasty virus coupled with an upper respiratory infection. I am just today feeling like myself. I managed to keep breakfast down this morning. I haven’t coughed or sneezed or peed on myself all day. Yes. I said peed. Fevers can be nasty things that wreak havoc. I am cautiously hopeful that the worst of my ordeal is over. I am not a very good patient. I hate the taste of medicine. My feeling out of sorts has made me prone to crying, another thing I loathe. Crying makes me feel weak and helpless.
I hated all the down time being sick gave me but I should be thankful for it because it made me slow my roll. I want to get back to things I enjoy. The goofy things that make me uniquely who I am. I am going to try to relax, stop, and smell the roses. Sing more because it makes me happy. Go back to complimenting a stranger, share a smile, and a moment. It is time for me to Step out of the damned box I have put myself into!

I need to practice being kinder to myself. I can’t do everything, nor do I want to. I want to be at peace. I need to learn to say NO and stick to it! I must take time alone to recharge my batteries. I will do things I enjoy even if it means doing those things alone. I need some distance from a few people I find I no longer enjoy. When did every one become so angry? You want to see more kindness in the world? THEN BE KIND! be the change you so desperately crave!

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE!!

Best Regards,
Trish

Unwritten

All of my tries are outside the lines…The time has once again come for me to tweak my story. I get so caught up in “fixing” myself that I get lost. I am tired, almost out of good groceries to snack on AND if I am being completely honest with you, I want to be found. In spite of myself and all of the incorrect beliefs that I have lived most of my life by, I have all of the things I yearned for in my youth. I am loved. I am happily married to a great guy. I have friends that I care deeply for and likewise. I am gainfully employed. I live in a nice neighborhood in a house that is neither too large nor too small. I am a middle-aged woman. I am in the throes of Menopause. I am beautiful in a way that is more important than physical attractiveness. I am ENOUGH! I am tired of trying to live up to expectations I set for myself back in the days of my wild youth in the middle of teenage angst and acne. Those foolish expectations have proven to be unattainable time and time again. SO!?!

Why do I continue to make myself miserable? This weekend I looked through photos of my life. In most of these photos I am, well, I am as I am now semi-round. There is a discernible twinkle in my eye. Here lies the real me the one the naked eye cannot behold. In these pictures I see the loves of my life: my Mom, my Dad, my sisters, the rest of the members of my family who have passed on or moved too far away for me to keep in touch with, except through the modern miracle of social media. It is in the memories of these moments captured in technicolor that bring a smile to my soul not my dress size. I was loved anyway.

I am no longer interested in the pursuit of {insert impossible dream here} a foolish ideal that will make my life magically fall into place. I am not sure what will be in the next chapter of my life but I look forward to new pages everyday. Tomorrow is still unwritten .
Here’s to the next story of my life.