Fight Club?

Today was the typical Friday DAY at work. You know what I mean only ten hours of things to get accomplished in a standard eight hour shift. Top it off with complaints you have no jurisdiction over and BINGO you have the perfect formula for a stress platter served up hot and waiting for a confrontation, except I was in a super silly ass mood.

I said, to a coworker, “Do you ever wish we could have a secret fight club in the basement? You know to let off some steam? We could be legit like the movie, all what happens at fight club stays at fight club?” she laughed at me and without missing a beat, replied, “Isn’t that a commercial for Las Vegas?” Sometimes life and work can be stressful and busy, so much so that the two separate but equal divisions of your life can make a person start to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to get it all done.

Don’t forget to breathe. You aren’t Wonder Woman after all. Not that we aren’t wonderful in our own way. Have I told you lately that I really like it when you smile?  When was the last time you did something just for yourself? You know what I mean. Read a book? Called/texted a friend you haven’t heard from in a while? Gone to lunch, alone? or with a group of your most favorite kindred spirits? Well? DO IT. Do something even if it is a few minutes locked in the bathroom listening to your favorite song on repeat on your device of choice. I still have an old MP3 player I walk around with, headphones on, volume up, world drowned in a sea of Madonna’s greatest hits.

My default response to conflict is to fight (faulty wiring maybe?) but I try never to let it gain the upper hand. Violence even at fight club never fixes anything. Tomorrow is another day to try and tackle the To Do List. fight club

Have You Ever?

Caught a glimpse of what you are to someone who loves you? Understood how they value you? view you? regard you? Have you ever felt the emotion that is tied to their version of that unknown element, that je ne sais quoi, the beauty or wonderment that makes you the object of their love. Trust me when I say it usually has nothing to do with the superficial value of outer beauty and everything to do with the important things:  kindness, patience, wisdom, trust, understanding. Intangibles that turn love into the thing people will spend all they have just to catch a glimmer of.

All these years and I am still his reason to face the day.

I am no stranger to depression. I have experienced it, survived it, lived with a parent who was deeply affected (paralyzed) by it. I struggle everyday with finding a reason to continue one more minute of one more day in a string of days that seem to never change but I manage because I refuse to give in. I want more. I will never stop searching for happiness, peace, well being. Love compels me to keep searching.

All these years and I am still his reason to face the day.

He does not see the ugly things about myself that I do not like. He only sees me. He tells me I am beautiful. I am the one he trusts with his love. I am HIS one. Have you ever been that loved? Some times I am so busy being upset with myself that I don’t want to believe he stills loves me, needs me, desires me. I hate me! Why doesn’t he give up? How can he still love me! I lash out by throwing angry words against his soul hoping to break his bond to me but the holds are strong. He talks to me, he sees me, he understands I am fragile, he listens to what I am really saying. Sometimes things do not come out as words but as bad choices or hateful behavior. He cradles me to his chest, wipes away my tears and keeps right on loving me in his quiet gentle way.

I am finally gaining an understanding of who I am to him. I see the sparkle of joy as we see each other from across a crowded room.  US

Have you ever been so loved and unaware of what you mean to that someone at the same time? I was.

All these years and he is still my reason to face the day.

Never forget who  you are…