Tag: optimistic

Where Am I Going?

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O-M-G will Spring ever get here? I swear if the sky spits one more snowflake at me I-AM-GOING-TO-CRACK. I am now at that part of my circular journey where I am at the beginning again. Bursting at the seams on all of my favorite clothes, swearing that this time it will be different because of course I am different {really?} The thing about lying face up in a gutter on a busy street is it gives a person a weird perspective. Everyone is so much taller. All joking aside, I have hit rock bottom. I am so disappointed in myself. I have been careening down this slope at break neck speed not trying to gain any type of control on my descent. Wanting to change and affecting change are two very different roads.

I have been unwilling to put forth any real hard work. I let my determination fizzle away like a dropped ice cream melting on a sidewalk on a hot day. Why? Why don’t I care enough about myself to want to be the better version of me for any length of time, why?

Because being a SLOTH takes very little effort.

sloth

Today is another chance to change. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. All of my emotions right below the surface, close to the cuff just in case I NEED them right away. I allow myself to become overwhelmed with possibilities before any situation truly presents itself. Definition of a perfectionist? All or nothing. My life journey is not perfect neither is anyone’s for that matter. Why do I always approach everything as if I can’t have any mistakes or my efforts are for nothing? Flawed belief system. Gives me the excellent excuse to simply stop trying, except I am also insanely stubborn. There will be no waving a white flag, no surrender, no. Not while I still have a fighting chance of being a better me.

Here’s to my thirty-ninth second chance! (raising my cup of coffee high) I’ve run this course before let’s see if this time I don’t crash and burn. I know it will take sometime before I start to feel better. There is a long road ahead of me but I am always up for a grand adventure. I will have to learn to listen to my body again. I need to get back to eating on a schedule to maintain healthy blood sugar levels. I am diabetic and lately I am having episode of the shakes, which are dangerous peaks and valleys in my blood sugar levels caused by eating JUNK. giphy

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE !

UPDATE: I summoned all of my left over courage this morning and drove myself to a WWs meeting. The house was packed. I haven’t been to a meeting in a month. I am up just over 2 lbs. Excellent considering I had spent this whole time building it up to be a weight gain of MAMMOTH Proportions. My journey continues…

Twenty Weeks, Five Days

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I am obsessed with my birthday. I always have been, I probably always will be.  Somewhere in the course of my life, I have convinced myself that if I have a problem; I can (if I try hard enough and believe in magic) fix whatever ails me by my birthday. For the record, it has never worked. Why I keep traveling down the same road looking for Trish Nirvana is beyond me. (Smacks self in head). There is something to be said though for the optimism that I feel whenever I make this declaration of achieving greatness by my birthday.

In the depths of my soul I believe in myself. It loses strength somewhere on its way to the top. I am never able to hold onto that self-belief very long. Fear is not what keeps success in myself from fruition. It is my unwillingness to accept that as a human being I have value, a worthiness that is mine and mine alone simply because I am alive. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself. I am the one who keeps my dreams at bay. I am the one who gives up on herself. I am the one who cradles my feelings. I am the one who dodges affection. I am the one who avoids the truth.

Dorothy held onto a belief (not to mention she had no other choices) if she got herself to the Emerald City the Wizard would help solve her problems and get her back home.  With her goofy sidekicks and a few miss-steps she learned to rely on herself, ok except for the part where the flying monkeys carry her ass off. She never needed the Wizard to rescue her, she needed herself.  Perhaps the Yellow Brick Road is our life path. We place the bricks each day. Where it leads to is up to us.

I started my brickway many times and in various directions. The time has come for paths to connect and roads to end. I have been lost for far too long. It is time to take up my journey once again, traveling my road one brick at a time. I owe it to myself. I am worthy. I have goofy sidekicks, who I love more than I care to admit. I am stronger with them by my side. I know I have what it takes to see this journey through to the next journey.

Flying monkeys beware. I am ready for your bad asses.

Twenty weeks and five days from now I will still be Trish. It will be my birthday. My life will not magically fall into place on this day but I remain optimistic.  = )