The Tale of the Kiss and the Slap

Or why the pain of rejection lingers. If a magical being flew into your life blessed one palm of a hand with a kiss and the other with a sharp slap which would you remember longer? Most might say the kiss because it was innocent, sweet and well, magical while the other was rude, disruptive and hurtful. Which one? It’s easy…the one that hurt. Pain whether it is physical or emotional tends to linger. We try to figure out what we did to deserve it or we waste energies trying to absolve ourselves. If you are an overthinker, like me, you turn over every minute, dissecting every detail. I have to tell myself to stop obsessing. When I was young and experiencing life on my own without the safety net of family, I did not know how to make friends. It is a skill set that, let’s be honest, we work at our whole lives. If you are blessed to have one close friend in your adult life, that you are not romantically involved with, congratulations! You have won the lottery! Sometimes relationships just stop working. We all enter into relationships because there is something there we are drawn toward. We need (OMG I SAID THE NEED WORD) to feel like a part of a larger picture or there is something we want that we might never have experienced before, or there is a beauty there we fall head over heels for. (THE KISS)

Why do relationships break down? BOREDOM? infidelity, having different life goals, age, maturity ? Yes, all of those things. I am saddened to say that sometimes there are other darker reasons : abuse, neglect, alcohol or drugs, betrayal. (THE SLAP) The relationship must end for the health of all involved. Some are successful with the breakdown while others spiral out of control. I use breakdown because no one feels up after a relationship ends. Well, I never do anyway. I used to be the one to spiral, not anymore. I know what I am worth. I want more for myself than what I used to settle for.

I am also not the same person I was before life slapped me around, lol. I am enough. I am a good person with a big heart. As I sit here writing this I realize that Once Upon A Time that wasn’t true, I was not a good person. I hated myself and things I wasn’t a part of. I carried around anger, hurt, disappointment … like they were accessories for my wardrobe. Often I was rude to people, disagreeable, because I was so unhappy with who I thought I should be instead of just being who I am. My younger sister taught me to see the vulnerability of life. If you look at something hard enough you learn to appreciate the work that went into making it a piece of art. My Dad thought the best of everyone he met, a rare quality. My husband was brave enough to scale my “wall of scorn” to learn who I was. I love him. He loves me. Our life together is no one else’s business. Have your opinions, I live my life. I love my life. I have learned to be a better person because of the people in and around my life.

Everyone who lives has regrets. I have few regrets. I love with my whole being. I am human, sometimes I am a queen sized ass hat. I try to own it all, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. I offer apology when it is offered in return. There have been people in my life who chose to be passive/ aggressive instead of working through a rough patch. I get it. Avoidance means that a person does not have to accept their roll in the souring of a friendship. It makes it easier to sell “the innocent victim roll” to everyone. I have been there and done that. It is an empty feeling because somewhere in middle of all that anger is the truth. Walking away takes strength. It is ok to be sad when you have a loss. Rest a bit, take stock in who you are, where you want to be and then go live your life. Go after whatever sparks JOY for you. GO after it. What ever that IT is.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be