He…She…US

Every year the week leading up to Mother’s Day haunts me. My FIL died 24 year ago on May 8, 1996. My husband and I married only days later on May 11, 1996. If you are a believer in omens you would have walked away knowing there was a chance for better luck some place else and yet I stayed. Why did I stay? for the best of reasons, LOVE.

Love is a strange and wonderful thing. Our 24th wedding anniversary is around the corner just passed Mother’s Day. We have never had a honeymoon or a vacation to celebrate our union. There have been times when I wanted my freedom; to wallow in my sadness, to be unwanted. Lord knows I gave him permission to leave me after our failed attempts at becoming parents. Every person should have the right to pursue someone who wants or is capable of having offspring. Growing up I never would have dreamed that I was infertile but there it was staring me in the face… cold hard facts; a failure as a female. He stayed. Love is a strange and wonderful thing. Who is she? She has a aura. A light that draws people to her. Where does it come from? Why does it shine so bright?

He makes me feel like I am whole that I am beautiful. I am his everything. He is my everything. Our life together has not always been easy. Any thing worth having is worth working for. I am thankful for that everyday. I am grateful that we have had this time together minus the outside world of QUARANTINE CENTRAL. We are good for each other. He calms me down when I am ready to go AWOL. I provide him the stability of being his. I love him; he loves me. He fears for my safety, our safety. He listens to me when I am sure no one hears a word I say. He knows who I am and he loves me anyway. Love is a strange and wonderful thing.

Love the people in your life, every day is a gift worth working for. Happy Anniversary Big D. I love you.

 

Staycation

Ahhh, my first vacation of the season and {{{SIGH}}} my first vacation of the season. I am a contradiction of terms. I am both excited and deeply depressed. Strange? not if you know me. I suck at relaxing. I have never been able to take a day off. You know what I mean;  sit around, watch bad TV, maybe take a shower, have a ton of unplans. An unplan is a happening with no set logical or pre-established guidelines. Think of it as going to a local store for something quick and different. You had no set plan so you just do the next best thing. A vacation filled with unplans makes my hubby happy. It drives me to distraction. I fight  with myself to be in my moment, to relax,  to do something I have been dying to do! I wait all year for this vacation. You would think I would plan my time off better, fill it with things I want to do, see, explore but I don’t. Mind you I talk a good game. There’s always  something whirring in the back recesses of my grey cells about the perfect adventure.

I like to take the first week of July off each summer because my birthday falls there. I want the luxury of not having to work on my birthday. It is the perfect time of year. The days are longer, hotter and filled with promise you just don’t get in winter. Every year I waste my week; I get plenty done (see the contradiction?). Housework , shopping, spring cleaning. I have all this free time on my hands and no idea how to use it.

)july birthdayI get to share my birthday with my Country. Every one I know loves the Fourth of JULY, the Nations’ Birthday. Hotels are packed, restaurants are packed, beaches are packed. Living on the East Coast in July brings bus loads of tourists to a neighborhood near you. Great, if you don’t mind spending your week off  waiting in long lines for things you hate to wait in line for, like the bathroom.

How easy it is to forget how wonderful something is when it becomes too familiar to you. I have lived on the East Coast my whole life. All the glitter is still there; it’s just harder for me to see. I find my joy in the majesty of the mountains which still takes my breath away. The sunrise over a quiet lake, awe inspiring. A walk in a town I have never been to before, exhilarating. I don’t do these things everyday, therefore; the glitter still sparkles, catching my eye, reminding me of how lucky I am.

My week is nearly over. I am well rested. I didn’t cry on my birthday. I enjoyed spending quiet time with my hubby. I still have time for an adventure. Our unplans worked wonderfully. I have decided I am okay. (I think !?!) I relaxed.  =  )