Tag: think

Friday Night Life

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Every Friday, after my work week has come to an end, I sit at my laptop reflecting. I plan out what bills I have versus what bills I have money to pay. Who else in the room? I didn’t think I was alone. Owing money, even if it is for a necessity, is not a feeling I welcome. Sometimes I feel like I work for nothing. Not the truth,that’s the way I feel sometimes then again who doesn’t feel that way?

Weight loss can feel like that. I can be in midst of a wonderful spell of decision making. Getting in a workout or two, planning my meals carefully, living in my moments. Sometimes though in the back of my mind I feel like I am working for nothing. I am the first one to admit, it is usually after I talk myself out of eating a brownie or a piece of candy I didn’t really need in the first place. Damn, I really wanted that! And damn again. I wish the reward for refusing to sabotage myself was bigger! As if wishing made it so. How amazing would it be to look in the mirror after turning down a delectable sweet and see I look smaller. I do look smaller. It has taken a lot of work. Often I want to quit but I don’t.

Whenever I feel like I just don’t want to do this(weight loss journey) anymore, I remind myself that I deserve to be the best example of me. Anything I achieve is worth the work I put in. I am worth the work. I am a force, strong and beautiful. I can achieve anything as long as I remember that I am capable of great things,if I put the effort in  = ). I try to remain positive and move through whatever it is that I have thrown into my path. I make my own obstacles. There is a certain level of fear a true WW carries around with them. I hear my fear whenever I  am struggling with my self confidence. Self doubt is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Don’t go it alone. Ask for help. Your leader can be so much more to your success if you just reach out to them. They do not always have all the answers but all the really good leaders know how to listen. The absolute best ones make you laugh and think and feel. They have all lived the same struggle as us.

Nobody goes through life without making a few wrong turns. I like to think of life as a road trip you take with a best friend. Enjoy the adventure, take note of your surroundings, don’t panic if you get lost. See where that wrong turn takes you. It might be a better view or stop and ask for direction. Live in your moments. Enjoy the adventure and learn to be patient with yourself. It takes time to change. Be happy you have time to change. Donate the clothing you have shrunk out of to a good cause. You help someone else in need and that warm feeling you get should be reward enough = ) I know it is for me.

Give yourself permission to restart a bad day.  A bad minute only turns into the day if you let it. Never Give Up on the person you are meant to be.

Chillax

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A word that I picked up somewhere. It means to chill out and relax. It may have come from the interwebs or I overheard it somewhere. I liked it when I heard it so it has become part of my Trish-isms.  A Trish-ism is something that I have added to my conversational art; how I view my world, people and things around me. A little bit of my unique quirkiness.

We all talk to ourselves. WE all spend too much time thinking, overthinking, tearing down instead of building up. IT is a hard habit to break. I try to start every morning spending a few minutes, before I get lost in my day, sitting on the edge of my bed chillaxing. I shut off my alarm, though most mornings my cat wakes me up, and I reflect.  I draw in a few deep breaths. I stretch and take inventory of my aches and pains. Let’s be honest at my age (51) I am luckier than most,in that I am in good health. I say reflect because if I start thinking, I over think and I screw up my day. I am an over thinker. Was I a good person yesterday? what do I need to do to make today better than yesterday? do I need to shave my legs? need coffee? yes, silly girl …let’s go. It is a new day and another chance to tilt my world right. If I spend too much time thinking about the sketchy choices I made at supper, I  carry around self doubt ALL day. My one bad meal choice can quickly turn into the zone of poor choices sprinkled with enough self pity to crush any living beautiful thing.{{{shudder}}}

Embrace the chillax. Step away from self made drama, focus on what you have done right. Apply what you have learned. Observe, absorb, learn, move on. I am learning to relax with myself,to be calm, to chill out and relax. Never give up on the person you are meant to be.

Am I Invisible?

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Did you see that? A blur rushes past and I am not sure what it is I have seen/not seen. Am I invisible? Did that person just talk around me as if I am not in the room? not sentient? not alive? What the hell!?! Ever feel like that? like the person you are on the inside of your mind flies by you? no longer willing to stick around because they’ve been pushed to the back of the line so many times they are not sure they have any value left. Relax I am not invisible or crazy. Even though sometimes I’d liked to be one or the other if only for short spurts of time to get me out of laundry or housework.

There is always someone who thinks they “know” you. Somehow through observation and years of exposure to sides of you, these douche kabobs “think” they KNOW you. It makes me angry. Yes, I may react to certain situations in a scripted predictable way but that doesn’t guarantee the same results time after time. Do you look at me closely? do you see the rage I am barely controlling? would you be so bold if you knew I hated you enough to cause you harm? Most people who “know” me don’t know how dark my dark side is. I like it that way. Not because I am trying to deceive anyone. I am being honest. Each one of us has personality quirks that we are not proud of or want not to draw too much attention to. Isn’t that what make us so intriguing? individual? unique?

Anger is a dangerous emotion to let roam around freely. Perhaps people throw that saying around about “knowing” all about you because they don’t know. They don’t know how to help you through a rough patch. They don’t know how to make you feel safe, wanted, loved. We are all just people floating on the sea of Humanity hoping for a few glimmering minutes in the sun, aren’t we?