Just a Number

I think often in our quest to a better version of ourselves we forget we are more than just a number. THAT ugly number you start with is really a stepping stone on your way to a happier, healthier you.  What brought me to Weight Watchers may not even be close to the reason you joined. That is the great thing about each of us. We are alike yet we stand apart. Unique in our own way.

I was on vacation this week. I am not good at relaxing. I am not always good at adulting either but I never give up. I tried to approach this week from a different view point. I didn’t plan out any of my meals. OH NO! I didn’t “Karenize“. I just went with the flow. You know what? I am Okay. I feel good about the choices I made for myself this week. I didn’t grub down and fill myself with foods I have been saying no to. I stayed on plan as much as I could. I went out to dinner with my hubby. I spent time with my Dad. I read. I watched some TV I have had saved on our DVR for eons. I was IN my moments.

I am more than a number on a scale. I will face whatever the outcome of my choices have led me to. I am worth my journey. I believe in myself. I CAN do anything I set my mind to. Winning this war is about coming prepared for the battles.  I used to be my biggest obstacle like a rockslide in the middle of the road. I got in my own way. I blocked my path. I have since made peace with myself.  This week I focused on the positive things I see in myself, Non Scale Victories, intangible but powerful. I ran up three flights of stairs, without stopping(not out of breath). I walked the long way around to my doctor’s appointment. My face looks thinner when it stares back at me from the mirror. I have “found” my collar bones  =  )  I have more energy. My mind is more focused.

Never give up on the person you are meant to be. Choose to be happy, to believe in yourself. Trust that you are learning how to live a better way. You are more than a number my friend, you are amazing!

 

 

 

March On

As February is preparing to make its exit into March, I am taking a few moments to think about the good things I managed to do for myself. Instead of wallowing in the sorrow I allow to consume me every year on Brenda’s birthday, I went back to WWs. I wanted to do something positive for myself on her day. Put a different twist on the day. I made a commitment to myself. Live for the day you awake to. Do the best you can with the moment you are in. Be kinder to yourself. Everyone makes bad choices but one bad rock does not spoil a stone wall. Listen to how you feel. If you are angry verbalize why. Even if no one else is listening, you hear you. It’s OK to let go.

Let go of the emotions that keep you tied to the version of yourself that you don’t like. Stop calling yourself bad names. When left alone with my thoughts sometimes they (I am)are mean to me. I alone allow myself to be negative over small slights of weakness or anger or sorrow. Why? Have you ever just asked yourself why?  No? Me either. Odd but true the people in your life love you just as you are. So why do I suck at liking myself? I set my self expectations way too high above my limitations that’s why.

My back is finally on the mend, most of my mobility has returned which is just wonderful.  Every February during school vacation a group of gaming geeks gather for a weekend of gaming. It is about the  exchanging of ideas, bad food and the great company of people you love that you haven’t seen in a year. Not my cup of tea but it makes the hubster happy so I tag along. I spend my weekend being the trophy wife and running around fake shopping and exploring with my best gal pal, Jadira. This year my bestie was ill with a bad bout of bronchitis and I was a stiff painful back muscle cramp. We both tried to have a great weekend but in truth I would say on a scale from disastrous to cool we mellowed out somewhere around ehh, it was ok.

I tried to stay on program as much as possible. I even went to a WWs meeting on Saturday just like I was at home. Yippee for me. I am trying to stick to my guns, to become a better version of myself. For the first time in more than a few years I feel like I can do this.

Weak One

I didn’t want to get out of bed so early; but, I did it. I didn’t want to admit that I had left my journey on the road back at my fork; but, I did it. I didn’t want to accept that I needed to go back to WWs; but, I did it. I got up before the alarm clock went off. I woke my hubby by trying to be TOO QUIET. I rushed out the door. I was a walking emoticon. I felt like crying. My throat felt tight like I couldn’t breathe. I was anxious about walking through that door. I talked to myself the entire drive over. I sat in my Jeep for a few moments and pep talked myself into going in. I went in. I weighed in. I sat down and I let go of my anxiety. I did it.

I did this for me. I am worth this. I forgot how important I am to myself. I need to be healthy for me.  How things have changed. New rules to learn, bad habits to tame into healthy routines, exercise!?! UGH!!! I have a hate/love relationship with that. I could blame this on high school forced participation (with little to no encouragement or positive feedback) ; but, I am adulting today. I listened to the topic for the week. As a group we laughed, exchanged ideas and talked about our lives. It felt wonderful. I love my early Saturday morning meeting. I have missed you.

I have struggled all week to make better choices. I made a few mistakes. Unlike times past, I haven’t given into myself. I am trying to make this work for me. I miss seeing my feet. I promised myself a long time ago that I would never be the Diva in double digit underpants ever again. I want to be the best version of myself. I have quite the adventure ahead of me. Tomorrow is my weigh-in day. I am a little nervous and excited at the same time. I had a great week because I took part in my well being.  What have I learned this week? I am not the WEAK ONE. I can do this.