Did You Ever ?

Did you ever think you’d be where you are at this moment? Did you ever look into the clouded sky in the middle of a hectic day and cloud surf? Did you ever want to leave the circus? jump a new ride, dream a new dream? just BE any place but where you are. I have had a searing headache for two days. Brought on I am sure from lack of sleep and high levels of stress. In my younger days I would have simply shut down, packed it in, lived everyday apart from the people in my life, my emotions, needs, and desires put on hold. I had no room for anything but ANGER. Anger is hurt and disappointment in an ugly dress. I am frustrated. I don’t know where or who to turn to. I am so very tired. And I am so sad…beyond sad.

I blog as a way to deal. I don’t need to be saved and I loathe being worried about. I have a dark side. Surprised? People think they “know” me but they don’t. I like it that way. Never willingly give someone else the upper hand by showing all your cards ; ) keeping people a tad off balance does me a world of good. Keeps them on their toes. I hate to admit it but my kid sister was my equalizer. She had a way with me when I got stuck on the dark side hating the world.

Did you ever want to see yourself as others “know” you? or is it all a pointless exercise based on concept of self that you are unwilling to own? People can be cruel often under the guise of helping make you a better person. I think I like not knowing how others see me considering the way I see myself change with the wind.

I still cloud surf. I still dream a new dream once in awhile. My breath still catches when unexpected beauty or love crosses my path. I still believe in magic : ) …and my headache is gone.

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