Category: WWs

Where old pounds go to wither

Piss and Moan Club…

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…T shirts are now available in the main lobby. Thank you for shopping at Get Over Yourself and have a pleasant day.

I have been feeling sorry for myself since June, maybe earlier. I have not been willing to address what is bothering me. I guess until now, Thanksgiving of all times, ironic much? Maybe it is just that I know I am hitting those magic years of menopause. I cry now for no real reason. That’s a new feeling for me. Almost like passing gas but I get no relief. Some days I feel like a gigantic sack of nonspecific, unwanted sorrow. I have been withdrawn, moody and aggravated. If a were a six year old I would have been given a nap and pep talk but I am not six. I always come to the same spot in my journey. I can’t seem to get over this bump in the road. I WON’T allow myself to go over the bump. This path I am struggling to follow would be a lot easier if I would just hear that tiny voice in my soul that says, “you’ve got this. Believe in who you are!” I was watching a movie the other day, Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, and it got me thinking. I couldn’t help but feel maybe dieting is like this story line. I have allowed things in my life to steal my lightning. Maybe I have let too many things keep me from my goals. All it takes is one Lotus flower, or something else equally distracting and I leave my path. So I have been asking myself why? Why do I keep avoiding myself?

The thing is I want to be healthy not tiny. I have spent most of my adult years chasing some ideal I don’t really need or want. I hate to say this, but you know I am going to, I think I finally figured out how to be better to myself; by just DOING IT. I need to eat healthier for me not some bullshit ideal I have let fester in my mind all these years. I am not embarrassed my by size. The lies I have told myself repeatedly over the years are just that lies. Things like,” you are unlikely to succeed or I won’t ever be happy or loved or”… a million other peace stealing notions. The time has come for me to just be satisfied with the person I know I am, because I am okay just the way I am.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To BE !!

Minute by Minute

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What!?! Today was one of those days. You know the kind of day I am talking about. Everyone you talk to or run into is in a mood. C’mon people Monday happens every week. By now you should know what to expect but somehow some of you are still surprised by what you have left over or left undone from Friday. No need to be grumpy! That is why we have Tuesdays!

I had my own pile of craptastic things to deal with today not to mention I forgot how HANGRY I can get when I am trying to make my next “first” week back the most amazing week ever! All day today I was entertaining the feed thoughts. Someone would comment on the time, I would be thinking, “I need something crunchy and salty”. I was at a meeting I swear I could smell roasted chicken. Thoughts of stuffing my face just as soon as I walked into the house from work. No I didn’t, I had coffee. Yeah, disappointed too but I promised myself I would get back to me and so I am struggling but I am TRYING to do better and that has to count for something…I don’t know? maybe a cookie? No I am just joking.

Getting back into the swing of things sometimes means minute by minute conversations with myself about my whys. whyMy whys can change daily.  One thing remains constant my desire to do better for myself because I am worth the work.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

Circle

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Round and round, circular logic is the toughest thing to break free from. I talk myself out of and into the same situation ten times in a day. Why is it so flippin’ difficult to get back onto the path of eating better food to feel better? The older I get the more I find myself asking why? Why do I want THIS? Do I need to do this to myself over and over and over? I always walk away from my success. I came very close to walking away again but I am hanging on. I have been thinking about the whys and the wants and the needs of my path all week.

I am not going to walk away from the better version of myself this time. I have finally learned (the eating better, moving more, feeling alive, being happy) this is what I have wanted to be a part of my whole life. Sometimes a person has to get lost so they can find their way back home. I was in a weird { HEY! I notice you have wrinkles and grey hair} FUNK. I did not want to own the facts of who I am versus who I think I am or who I am sure I will become. I fell into the trap of being upset over something I have no control over. I stressed myself out because I no longer have that “Feck You I am 25” look . Now I am becoming that part of the OLDER crowd at gatherings and birthday parties. No one wants me to sit at the kids’ table anymore. Quite frankly that pisses me off. I mean who wants to sit with the old fogies? Not me! but the truth is I kind of sort of belong to that section of the orchestra now.

I wanted to grow into an elegant beauty like Lena Horne. Yup, you guessed it not gonna happen. Not with the neck wattle I am melting into. Lena Hornechicken-live3-1Dreams shatter like glass on a sidewalk. Sweep up the mess, move on.

 

My Life

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It’s been a great many things lately but not about many great things. I have been sleep walking through my life for a few months now. I am tired. I am starting not to feel well. My eating habits, the good ones, have left for vacation and are currently late in returning to work. The bad ones, well let’s just say they are wreaking havoc with my permission. I am a firm believer that until I give in I have not given up. I refuse. I merely parked my ass on the curb over the Summer and have been like a spoiled child spazing out over an imaginary insult. Well, today I sent those nasty never do well bad habits on their way BAGS PACKED. I have thrown out (or eaten) the last of all those “magical” foods that make me feel “whole”. LIES! all lies I tell myself because I am feeling vulnerable or stressed. Junk Food is not my friend. Craptastic food has never made me feel better about anything. Usually it just makes me feel worse. Kind of like when you go to a party dressed to kill but… it isn’t Halloween so everyone looks at you like your that goofy kid who somehow always manages to get singled out and picked on. ALL tricks no treats.

How about for once I move forward without taking two steps back? Novel idea for me.

think,think,think
Fortune cookie wisdom

I have the tools. I just need to go back to using them. I belong to a gym. I enjoy going there. It is my time to be by myself. Think about my day, exhale. Let go of the stress. Go TEAM ME! Tomorrow morning I will pull up on my big girl panties. I will hold my head high. I will walk back into that meeting and own my destiny. I am not defeated. I was only distracted.

Did You Miss Me?

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I apologize. I missed my usual Friday night musings about me, myself and I. Our house break-in happened on the afternoon of October 6th. The complete nerve of that douchekabob who broke into my house and shattered my FALSE sense of security.  Lessons have been learned. My eating habits are a new kind of messed up. I have been crying with no true reason to connect to. This must be what post traumatic stress is kind of about. My “bad experience” was really on a mild level compared to others in the world who have had to live through hell.  Life rolls on even when we are not ready. My hat is off to the wounded in the world for getting up everyday and facing their reality.

I taught myself years ago to be a stress eater as a way of containing my emotions. How do I control anger? Numb it with ice cream. How do I control fear? Subdue it with hot and spicy whatever. How do I combat loneliness? Vast quantities of sweet :  cookies, pie, M&Ms, trail mix. I battle my sadness with writing and tears. I apologize but some of my best writing happens because I am SAD. I swear it is a funky type of sadness that follows me, haunts me, keeps me searching for the correct combination so I can own the key to self-acceptance. Why have I never learned to like myself? Why?

I have choices. I can continue on my current path(not a good idea), I can find the path I was on(Okay, but really needs some excitement), or I can forge a new path(winner, winner chicken dinner!). I stood in my bathroom for a long time tonight looking at my old self in the mirror. I deserve more than I give myself. I want more. I am tired of basing my self worth and my self esteem on my fucking dress size. I don’t even wear dresses!  More importantly why do I know so many other women who feel just like I do? I often have women tell me that they feel like I am inside their heads. How do I mirror how they feel? The more we think we are different from others around us the more we come to realize just how similar we are.

This is for the women in and around my life. You are worthy. You are loved. You are needed. You are everything wonderful to someone in your life and you might not even know it. Stop hiding who you are and what you want. Be kinder to yourself. Forgive yourself. You are stronger than you know. Embrace that little girl who lives in your soul. She holds all of your JOY.  Just BELIEVE! We all have the power to fly we just forget sometimes that we control the WINGS! You are beautiful!

Tonight I do. Actions not words. I can tell you that I am going to turn on the lights but if I don’t move from my chair I will still be sitting in the dark. I will do better for myself from this point on. I will return to the gym. I will return to WWs this Saturday. I will, actions not words.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

A better use for an ancient torture device.

 

Once Upon a Time…

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…in a place that is unfamiliar to most but home to others there lived a girl who wanted things. I was born into a family of five. Being third in line, I often found myself smack dab in the middle of “No Man’s Land”. A mythical place where whatever you do goes unnoticed and unappreciated because you weren’t first on the scene or the last one to arrive. I grew up feeling like a TV listing for Wednesday night viewing. Family shows with no real excitement or sex appeal. Meh!

This past week was not stellar for me. I haven’t had to deal with this much stress, uncertainty and anger since my Pops passed away. I guess it might have been time for Karma to shake her ugly stick at me as a way to remind me who exactly is the boss here.

I have been a wanter my whole life. I wanted to be loved; I am! I wanted to be noticed. Do you see me? I wanted to be famous. the jury is still out on this one. I wanted to be a person that others looked up to. I want happiness. = ) I want. I want. I want; but why? I am indeed loved. I am happy even when I fight myself about how happy I am supposed to be (as if happy comes with a formulary!) Does getting everything you want open the path to peace? or have I struggled this long because I have been too foolish to realize I have everything I have ever needed the entire time?

Knowing when to return to my true self has always been the toughest road for me to travel. I have many miles to go before I sleep. There are things left to do. I am leaving behind all the bad mojo that flooded over me after last week’s event. Bad shit happens to good people all the time. It’s what you do with the aftermath that determines where your path will lead.

Never Give UP On The Person You Are Meant To Be

ease on down the road

 

The Comfort Zone…

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…and I how I escaped. On this crazy journey to the best version of myself I wandered a little from my path and entered  the comfort zone. That false plateau with the fluffy comfortable furniture and tasty snacks where nothing EVER seems to happen.padded cell Last year during this same stretch of September my beloved Pops passed away. I have struggled to stay on my path since. I will not give up. I absolutely refuse to go back to where I once was.

While dearest hubster and I enjoyed vacation earlier this month, I took the time to throw myself out of the comfortable place. I have been lounging in there for too long. It’s been a great party, Pity, but really you must be going now. Do you think I’ll ever learn? not to give into my darker side? I hope someday I will be stronger.

I am proud of myself; I am into my second completed week of going to the gym! {Enthusiastic cheer} and this morning I went with a friend to my very first Tai Chi class. I loved it! Thank you Christine = ) I left there feeling calmer, relaxed and refreshed. After class we took time to get in a two mile walk. Stress is an everyday life occurrence for people in all walks of life. Some days I handle it well, others not so much. For most of this week I was not in a good head space. I miss my Pops. It seems surreal to me that he has been gone for a year; I have struggled with a depression brought on by his passing and the void it left in my life.

I didn’t have things going on in my life to fill the space where he once was. I have spent most of the past year maintaining the weight I am currently enjoying. VICTORY! VICTORY! If you know me you have an idea how HUGE that is. My usual operating parameter is to go full on eat until my soul is numb and broken. I am just not interested in punishing myself anymore for feeling sad. I lost a wonderful human being. There will always be a void but it has gotten smaller because the sadness is slowly changing into peace and acceptance of the situation. I am different. I have changed. I want to be in my life even when it is ugly and uncomfortable.

It is time I return to myself and the things I find joy in. Wherever I go I take myself along. It’s time to put my grief in my pocket and test the world again.  I am most happy when I am honest about my feelings. I am most successful when I give myself permission to fail. I learn the most by never giving up.

Realize, real lives

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Funny how those words sound so similar. I went back to myself this week. Me, the Trish that I am, that I am happiest being. I made it to my water aerobics class three times this week just like I promised myself I would. Yes! Go Me!!!! I laughed more. I listened to the tiny voice of HOPE I carry around in my head. It was just where I had left her waiting; until I needed her again. hope

I AM…most at peace with myself when I am true to myself. I am happily married. I am a power in my own right. I am worth my journey. I realized that I have a real life. I am loved. I am needed. I am EVERYTHING I never thought I would be. I AM…

Walking side by side today with my love, I finally realized that what we have is the realest thing I have ever allowed myself to be a part of.  We lost sight of each other through a field of strangers at the BIG E today. I felt myself get a little panicky. I told myself all would be ok. The look of concern that registered across his face when I located him; how it melted away just by his seeing me, told me a thousand tales. Why wasn’t I willing to recognize the depth of his love before that moment escapes me. Maybe I didn’t want to believe someone could love me madly, truly, deeply. Guess I am the lucky one. Love is indeed a wonderful gift that keeps on giving.

 

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  ❤

 

 

Don’t hold back, love the people in your life!

 

You Are My Obsession…

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I sit here at my laptop week after week. I spill my heart out all over the place. I never tell anyone the whole truth just the parts I think you might want to look at. How do I always find myself back at the one place I loathe? I am filled with dread. I have to learn to stop being my favorite subject. I am obsessed with myself and what is wrong? with me. Look at me. Let’s talk about me. I am sad. I am angry, I am…, I am…

REALITY CHECK blogging can be very one-sided; sometimes the truth is that I don’t want to talk about me.

Enough!

It is time for me to do other things with my free time. Something constructive instead of destructive. I went back to the YWCA. I purchased a membership for a 13 week run. Today I went to the gym to get a schedule and register. I walked around the place to see what has changed. More than a few years ago (2008) I joined the Y and went to aqua aerobic classes with Mrs. Cooper. She was a great friend to me. I got a little teary eyed today in the locker room remembering how much we laughed, how much fun we had. She was a sweet soul. I really miss her. She changed my life in so many ways. She helped me to believe in myself.You don’t need to be aware that your kindness changes another human being for the better; just be happy in the knowledge that you can make a difference just by being YOU.

I left the Y feeling like I am now going in the right direction. I need to get back to taking better care of myself. I did not try this Summer to be an honest WW. I allowed myself to bend the rules. I stopped doing everything that helps me to be successful. I am ready now for the next leg of my life journey. I got this!

I would also like to clarify something for my fellow WWs. Never be embarrassed about weight that you have “reclaimed”. Everyday you are given is a chance to learn something new and wonderful about yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. You can give up or you can get up. It is your choice and your choice alone. Some days I don’t want to adult either but eventually I return to myself, my dreams, my hopes for a better day because I AM WORTH it.

Never Give Up ON The Person You Are Meant To BE! See you at the pool!

because you are worth it
SWIM swim Swim
soul shine

F

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As in what the F, as in there are so many wonderful words and thoughts that start with F. Lately I have been feeling F’d up. I am not liking it too much. Sometimes I let my world get to me. My job, my marriage, my friends, my WWs program…suffer. I am what is “OFF” in each of these situations. I let my emotional baggage get in the way of a great time. I start doubting myself. I start questioning my values and then like little tin soldiers all of the areas of my life line up for me to knock down or find fault with.

I stopped paying attention. I stopped caring. I stopped wanting! I allowed myself to bend the rules {just this once I promise ; )} and well, we all know what happens when you walk away from a path without a map. You get LOST! I just want to know peace. I want to accept that the life I lead, is the life that I lead. I am enough. I am loved. I am wanted. I have friends. I know joy. I know I am needed. I know I am capable of being so much more if only I would allow myself to let go of the anger, hurt and disappointment I keep in the quiet recesses of my soul for when I am feeling vulnerable and afraid.

SO…I did a crazy thing yesterday, I bought a groupon to my local gym. I missed my WW meeting on Saturday so I could skip off to Gloucester, MA to do touristy things. I had a grand time with excellent company but let’s face it I need to climb back on this teeter-totter life of mine and drag myself kicking and screaming to my goal. There is no more TRY there is only DO. I am worth this journey. No one gets to the finish line of life without scars. I plan on (my life story) telling an amazing tale of how girl lost became woman found.

Stay tuned, watch for the changes, hang on! This ride sometimes gets bumpy and comes with unexpected curves. Never Give Up On The Person YOU Are Meant To Be, I’m not = )

Exercising should be interesting. Check back here for the injured reserve list and other interesting sports injuries I am sure will pop up. Tune in next week when I begin questioning my…

These make me run faster = )
me? working out LOL