Tag: flying monkeys

Face Plant

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I have been fighting with myself since my last weigh-in. I am HUNGRY! I know it is more of a psychological voice messing with my Feng shui than true hunger . I have been on program since February of 2016 with a minimal amount of not following program. I have tracked every bite, lick, taste, and tempting thought.  I have tried very hard not to hide my eating from my hubby but I fell on my face just now. I could blame it on my upcoming cycle. Song lyrics are running through my mind ( I enjoy being a girl ) but I won’t.

I ate. I am putting myself under a lot of pressure which is causing me unresolved stress. This will be my first big holiday without my Dad. I threw myself a pity party, irrational tears and all. I hid my binge snacking from my hubby just now. I have let myself down. I feel sick from all the sugar and I am disappointed that I gave in to the voices of doubt in my head. I ate but I didn’t choose wisely. I fell off the wagon and hit the ground. I told myself that this trip around I would reach out and ask for help. So I just went an had a chat with my hubby. Turns out he plans to keep right on loving me =  ) I need to listen to my inner little girl right now. I am afraid. I have doubts about not being strong enough to weather the storm. No more letting fear win. I am loved. I am wanted. I have worth. I am strong. I am beautiful. I will not let a few hours of self-made terror rule my life. I am the BOSS of me! I had a weak moment but I am feeling much better.

I needed to vent that!!!! Off my chest, out of my mind, clean slate. So now what? I know what. I will simply continue on my path. One flat tire doesn’t stop a road trip. Smart people call AAA fix the flat and move on down the road. I can do this! I need to plan my meals better. I think I am hungry because I am not eating enough bulk. I need to add free freshies. Salad or fruit with my lunch. Drink more water. Get out and get in a walk before the sun sets. This winter is definitely going to be challenge for me but I will win. I have worked far too hard to stop now. Damn you flying monkeys I will get to that Emerald City one way or another!!!!

Never Give Up On The PERSON You Are Meant To Be !

Twenty Weeks, Five Days

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I am obsessed with my birthday. I always have been, I probably always will be.  Somewhere in the course of my life, I have convinced myself that if I have a problem; I can (if I try hard enough and believe in magic) fix whatever ails me by my birthday. For the record, it has never worked. Why I keep traveling down the same road looking for Trish Nirvana is beyond me. (Smacks self in head). There is something to be said though for the optimism that I feel whenever I make this declaration of achieving greatness by my birthday.

In the depths of my soul I believe in myself. It loses strength somewhere on its way to the top. I am never able to hold onto that self-belief very long. Fear is not what keeps success in myself from fruition. It is my unwillingness to accept that as a human being I have value, a worthiness that is mine and mine alone simply because I am alive. I don’t know why I am so hard on myself. I am the one who keeps my dreams at bay. I am the one who gives up on herself. I am the one who cradles my feelings. I am the one who dodges affection. I am the one who avoids the truth.

Dorothy held onto a belief (not to mention she had no other choices) if she got herself to the Emerald City the Wizard would help solve her problems and get her back home.  With her goofy sidekicks and a few miss-steps she learned to rely on herself, ok except for the part where the flying monkeys carry her ass off. She never needed the Wizard to rescue her, she needed herself.  Perhaps the Yellow Brick Road is our life path. We place the bricks each day. Where it leads to is up to us.

I started my brickway many times and in various directions. The time has come for paths to connect and roads to end. I have been lost for far too long. It is time to take up my journey once again, traveling my road one brick at a time. I owe it to myself. I am worthy. I have goofy sidekicks, who I love more than I care to admit. I am stronger with them by my side. I know I have what it takes to see this journey through to the next journey.

Flying monkeys beware. I am ready for your bad asses.

Twenty weeks and five days from now I will still be Trish. It will be my birthday. My life will not magically fall into place on this day but I remain optimistic.  = )