Means “archway” in Latin. Janus was the Roman god of gateways and beginnings, often depicted as having two faces looking in opposite directions. The month of January is named for him. January is the month of reflection. We all look back on the year that is leaving and we worry about what is rounding the corner of what will become the new year. I stopped making New Year resolutions before I was out of my teen age years or did I? That is a question I have been chewing on since mid- December. I think my life long resolution remains; be the best version of yourself everyday!
In my heart of hearts I know I am a good person. In the words of Popeye,” I yam what I yam.” I refuse to waste anymore time on the year that has just ended. My life is not a script. There are no re-writes to be handed in, no rehearsals for opening night. This is it kid, your life in glorious Technicolor. I don’t always like the path I am traveling on. I whine. I complain. I cry. I carry around resentment like a toy poodle in a hand bag. I get so sick of myself I want to be anyone but ME. No matter where I try to run I am right there with ME baffled by own stupidity. I have had enough. I will not continue to punish myself for my shortcomings anymore.
I have finally accepted that I actually prefer to eat clean rather than to bog myself down with JUNK. It is okay to be kind to yourself. You are the only copy of the book called This Is Your Life. Below please find the love letter I have in my heart.
You have an amazing capacity for love, share it. You are friendly and welcoming to everyone around you; learn to be kinder to yourself. You give everyone else the chance at making things better. Extend the same patience to yourself. A smile and a heart felt compliment does more for a person’s soul than any amount of chocolate. Celebrate all the wonderful things that make up your life. You have great friends. You are loved. You are someone’s everything. Stop under estimating your ability to be the best example of yourself. Embrace who you are, look at where you have come from, make plans to get through the obstacles on your path and play on. You just have to BELIEVE in the power of you. Kudos to you for getting out of bed today = ).
I showed up today. I went out this morning in the gusty winds and drove myself straight to my favorite Saturday morning WWs meeting. I swallowed my pride and stepped onto the crusher of dreams, (key music), the Scale. Guess what? The world has not ended or stopped turning. I was angry for a few minutes but I have to accept what I have done to myself once again in the guise of “taking a break”, “relaxing” or any of a hundred other excuses I could use. The time has come for me to pull up my Big Girl panties, dust myself off and return to my spot in the grand parade.
I did not enjoy my time away from program as much as I convinced myself I would. I really hate the way craptastic food makes me feel and look. When I stick to my version of the WW program, the things that work the best for me ; ), I am a much happier person. I am more positive in my approach to the world and its human beans. I like myself more. Eating in a healthy way helps me to live a better life for myself and the people in my life.
My road is long and arduous, the scenery (me) beautiful. I am making my journey worth every step I make.
Never Give Up On The Person YOU Are Meant To Be…EVER
… before it goes on and only I’m left.
I am uncomfortable around peaceful silence. The beauty of a calm day. The no worries of the Saturday morning you have waited all week for. Problem is; I don’t know how to relax. Sit in the sun, watch clouds, enjoy my surroundings. I grew up never being able to have normal adventures. I was raised in the 70s. My father was the only source of income. We could have had a comfortable life but that is no even close to what happened. I am not complaining. I have a head full of wonderful memories but it is also clogged with bad memories. A slap across the face is remembered a lot longer than a kiss on the cheek. Truth
I know normal is not a reality for most people. Are we as people too dysfunctional to grasp normal? We all want “normal”; but ,our own version of it. It is a odd concept. What is it based on? life experiences averaged out? I don’t know this answer. Normal for one is abnormal to others. It is also why everybody’s normal is different. I decided today I am no longer striving to be anything than what I already am.
I have wasted so much of my life trying to conform to an image I have of WHO I think I need to be versus the WHO that I am.
The WHO that I am? On any given day a hot mess or a princess or a worry wart or a wife, a friend, a confidante.