… before it goes on and only I’m left.
I am uncomfortable around peaceful silence. The beauty of a calm day. The no worries of the Saturday morning you have waited all week for. Problem is; I don’t know how to relax. Sit in the sun, watch clouds, enjoy my surroundings. I grew up never being able to have normal adventures. I was raised in the 70s. My father was the only source of income. We could have had a comfortable life but that is no even close to what happened. I am not complaining. I have a head full of wonderful memories but it is also clogged with bad memories. A slap across the face is remembered a lot longer than a kiss on the cheek. Truth
I know normal is not a reality for most people. Are we as people too dysfunctional to grasp normal? We all want “normal”; but ,our own version of it. It is a odd concept. What is it based on? life experiences averaged out? I don’t know this answer. Normal for one is abnormal to others. It is also why everybody’s normal is different. I decided today I am no longer striving to be anything than what I already am.
I have wasted so much of my life trying to conform to an image I have of WHO I think I need to be versus the WHO that I am.
The WHO that I am? On any given day a hot mess or a princess or a worry wart or a wife, a friend, a confidante.