Happy Anniversary Baby!

Got you on my mind. A catchy opening line from the Little River Band song. It’s really a song about a break up and the lingering feelings you have for that relationship. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my breakup with myself. Last year I decided I had had enough of mistreating myself and not loving who I am. So I let that destructive relationship go.

=  ) best thing I have done for myself in a long time. Today I am in a much better state of health but more than that I am happy with who I am. All it took was the spark of hope, a pinch of belief, support from the people in my life(thank you peeps),determination to reach for the stars and HARD WORK.

I am worth it. I am not the weak one. Failure is not in the trying and falling down. Failing is when you fall down and stay there. Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be! I end my posts with this saying because it helps me to correct my path when I stray. I want to be the best example of myself.

Once upon a time … I felt like a beach ball with soft spots that wouldn’t stay concealed. Any idea how weary a gal can becoming spinning in her own circle of doom?  A self- perpetuating prophecy:   I can’t lose weight because I eat too much. I eat too much because I am angry. I am angry because I am unhappy. I am unhappy because I am heavy so I eat too much to distract my soul from my shortcomings which leads me to eat too much because I am angry that I can not let go of my anger so I cry because I know there has to be a better way but first I will eat this cake so I will “feel” better.  I was not getting better. I was harming myself. And the cycle needed to stop. So I took a chance on me. I stopped the cycle. I am living my moments and trying to take something good from them everyday. It hasn’t been easy, change never is but it is worth every rough patch and bump on the road. I accept sometimes mistakes will be made. I am just not willing to live in my mistakes instead I ty to learn from them and do better.

I found my true smile, not the one you paint on for other people. Do you know what I am talking about? Not the smile each of us use to cover anger and frustration, not that one, the other one, the real one you keep for yourself when you make the funny joke or solve the unsolvable puzzle or you are overjoyed by a random act of kindness or the smile love leaves you with. It is a simple thing, a true thing, beautiful really. It is contagious and makes even the most dour face shine. It costs nothing but it’s value is immeasurable when given away freely. Give one away today and see where it takes you.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be!  =  )

 

I Mean To Shine

I am on the journey of my life but then again aren’t we all?  What is that inner voice that tells you that THIS time it will be your turn to shine?  I believe in can be found at the heart of you. It is a part of who you really wish to be, the best version of yourself. If you just listen carefully you can hear your own cheer squad.

“Here comes another dawn for every child to see
This time the morning sun is burning just for me
I’ve got the skyward eyes like I never had before
Just smile and say goodbye, show me to the door

For every one there comes a precious time
To break away

I mean to shine, oh, I mean to shine
As I look out on the morning sun
I know I mean to shine…”

These are the beginning  lyrics from one of my favorite songs; I Mean to Shine. It is about finding out that your own light is just as bright as everyone else’s. It is about believing in yourself, setting yourself free and living in your moment. Why shouldn’t  it be your turn?  Believe in yourself. Choose your path. This is YOUR journey! Make it count. It’s never too late to start a bad day over. I think the inner voice that everyone seeks to find, the voices that help you to be the best version of yourself, are the twin sisters of true success; Faith and Hope. Everything is possible when you hang out with these two. You couldn’t ask for better friends. When you have faith in yourself you can do anything you hope for.  Dream big, believe in yourself, and SHINE    =  )

You’ve  Got THIS !

Where Does It Come From?

Inspiration for a blog post comes from many things around me. Little things that everyday people miss everyday. The smile on a little girl’s face when she looks up at the man she calls Daddy, the homeless man on the street holding his sign pleading for 2, the school kids heading home from class on a beautiful day, a small child crying seemingly unhappy at not being understood. I see. I have trouble not thinking about all of the things I see. The world is not a safe or friendly place. My mother often struggled with everyday things.  She struggled keeping the house clean, food in the fridge, clean clothes in our dressers. She suffered the whole of her life from mental illness. I often felt growing up that we were teetering on the edge and the slightest upset in its delicate balance would spell ruin for our family.  My darkest fear is to be homeless.

The other day on my way home from a doctor appointment I saw her. A young woman with a cardboard sign on the side of the road. She could have been my niece. She was young, pretty, her clothes clean.  She looked out of place, she looked cold. She made me sad. I admit to you that I didn’t roll down my window. I am not sure handing someone a dollar through the crack of my window could change the course her life is on. It did however put a bump into my world. I can’t shake what I see. What I keep seeing. Where has the kindness in the world gone? the trust? the hope? the love?

I do not know this girl’s story. I am not sure if I asked her that it would be a truth filled tale. She may have fallen on hard times, lost her job, or her way, or tripped out on drugs and still hasn’t made it back to the “real” world. All I know is that every time I see someone on the street holding an overused cardboard sign my soul cracks just a little more. My heart gets a little heavier, tears manages its way down my cheek. Life is a precious gift that people throw away. When will we learn? Will we ever learn?

What Role Would You Choose?

wpid-20150712_174207.jpg
I stole this from my Facebook page. After I read it I sent the poster a comment asking her what my role was in her life.
Life is about people. What role would you choose? I want to be the rare one. That one person in your life that helps you see that you are loved, special and wonderful just as you are because YOU are you. Even if we only know each other for the briefest moment in time. We all have value. We are all worthy of the love we are given.
Enjoy the people in your life. Time is fickle and there are no guarantees given. Better to make a memory than a regret. So thanks Katie for posting that pic. You made me smile and you made me think.

The Shadow of Her Smile

Scan0001

Her birthday has just passed. Her smile haunts my dreams. I am eleven years without her now,my heart still broken. The days and months got easier to live in but not her day. Every year I promise myself I will get through it without crying. Every year I fail. I miss her. I feel alone now. My secrets safe in the silence of her death. Things about me that only she ever knew. I wish I could let her go but I find that I can’t. I find myself talking to her whenever I am afraid or uncertain, like she is nearby.

As the years march by it gets harder to recall what she sounded like. In dreams we are free. In sleep every whisper is vibrant, every smile bright. I remember her love for me. She was the light in my soul. She knew I was broken but loved me anyway. Like a chipped cup you just can’t throw away. She made me feel like I could do anything. She looked up to me, not at me or through me.

It is the shadow of her smile that gets me through the tough days. I cherish the dreams in which she stops by. Young and happy she waits for me. Together we adventure. In my dreams we are the sunshine after the rain. I love you Breny. ❤