Her birthday has just passed. Her smile haunts my dreams. I am eleven years without her now,my heart still broken. The days and months got easier to live in but not her day. Every year I promise myself I will get through it without crying. Every year I fail. I miss her. I feel alone now. My secrets safe in the silence of her death. Things about me that only she ever knew. I wish I could let her go but I find that I can’t. I find myself talking to her whenever I am afraid or uncertain, like she is nearby.

As the years march by it gets harder to recall what she sounded like. In dreams we are free. In sleep every whisper is vibrant, every smile bright. I remember her love for me. She was the light in my soul. She knew I was broken but loved me anyway. Like a chipped cup you just can’t throw away. She made me feel like I could do anything. She looked up to me, not at me or through me.

It is the shadow of her smile that gets me through the tough days. I cherish the dreams in which she stops by. Young and happy she waits for me. Together we adventure. In my dreams we are the sunshine after the rain. I love you Breny. ❤