Say Hello Wave Goodbye

Have I ever told you before that February is the LONGEST month of the year? Well, trust me, it is. February is the bottom of the barrel month for me. My ambition and energy are usually at an all time low. There is the slightest hint of Spring to the air but like a sealed box of jelly doughnuts it taunts me =  (  I want to be able to come home from a day on the job, grab a quick snack and hit the great outdoors for a short walk around my block. Right now I am far too busy watching my walkway for ice patches so I don’t hurt my old lady bits.

Contrary to popular belief I do not bounce (unless my bra hookup goes awry)!Tonight I am supposed to be hitting a friend’s house to go to book club but I am worn out. I have decided to be kind to myself and stay home. I am going to turn the heat up in my house, wrap myself in a snuggly blankie and play online video games with my hubby = ) Sometimes even I forget to take care of my needs. I really need to sit, be quiet within my mind and listen to what my soul is telling me. Am I in a good place? Yes, I am. I am allowing myself to be at peace with who I am. I am enjoying my journey. I feel so much more alive. Even though I know happiness is fleeting and cannot be forced or saved; I might even take a risk and say that I am happy. I have given up worrying about whether or not happiness will last and instead I am enjoying its company while it is here.

Maybe wisdom really does come with age and life experience. Life is not about the destination but in the journey getting there.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

sNOw!?!

Really? NOW? Spring you elusive imp, I needed you like two weeks ago. This  winter season you have been teasing me with a string of mild days with absolutely the barest minimal amount of snow, and just like that, KaBOOM! you let Winter sink his teeth in.  My bones are now beyond chilled. I was not looking forward to winter. The days are darker, colder, less friendly. I haven’t managed one really awesome adventure. I haven’t enjoyed one walk outside in the sunshine of an afternoon. Why? because everyone knows an afternoon in the winter lasts all of a ten minutes and is over before I get out of work. I get up in the dark, drive to work in the dark, drive home in the fading light of the day and end my day in the dark. I feel like a mole. Where’s my miner’s helmet?

I hate that I have to lug my HEAVY winter gear with me wherever I go. I was not looking forward to winter. Winter means me being less active. It was worse this year because I was experiencing some heart arrhythmias. I was taking it easy until I saw my doctor. I finally had my cardiologist appointment this week right before the storm. I have been given the green light to resume any and all activity I was participating in before my incident. I am pleased to tell you that my video game playing skills have not diminished one bit. I have seen the days start the climb into more daylight hours. I felt a surge of happiness. I was hoping to be able to start my Spring walking program early. Mother Nature really has a twisted sense of humor, doesn’t she? Bitch

I am over it now. Winter is grabbing at his last glory days before Spring. I made a promise to myself to make it to my goal. I don’t intend to let myself down. I may falter but I will never give up.  I am not a quitter.  Believe in the power of self.

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be, I’m not!

 

Because I AM HAPPY

Spring is the time of renewal. I love Spring. The longer days, the warmth of the sun, the budding of the trees and the blooming of the flowers put me over the top HAPPY. Yes, I do happy. My life sometimes brims over but who’s doesn’t? Winter this year seemed to be so drawn out. Cold and dreary, difficult times not to sink into a withdrawn emotional state. I am grateful for so many things. I have a job (even if sometimes I hate working). I am loved. My hubby understands me in ways I don’t.  My Dad is being taken care of and despite my misgivings he is doing okay. I have a home with my hubby that we love. I have friends that I care about who care about me in return.

I started blogging as a way to vent things out I felt I couldn’t control or change or sometimes as a way to let myself know I am ok; that things are normal. Everyone struggles with life and the things that make life worth getting out of bed for. I would be worried if there were no bumps in the road. I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. I have a capacity for love I never knew lived inside me. I live my life for me and the people I love.

Feeling happy is a state of mind, a personal journey not a destination. Life is in the taking of risks. Living each day you are given. I used to wonder what “waiting to exhale” actually meant. I get it now. It is that feeling you get when someone startles you. It is the quick draw of breath you take in and are afraid to let go of. Like somehow holding your breath will keep you safer. After a near lifetime of holding my breath I exhaled.

I am OKAY. My life has not always progressed the way I have wanted it to but I march towards a better day, a life worth having. I hope you always have love in your life and people who are wise enough to love you for what you bring into their life YOU.

Spring is Dangerous

There’s something in the air. I can feel it. Spring is getting ready to bust out all over the place. I witnessed grass today. Soggy, brown, and gross looking it was still grass. I have never been so happy to see weeds. I was up early and out into the sun of today to run errands before Mother Nature came to her senses and sent more dismal Winter misery. The Spring is dangerous for me. Spring makes me giddy. I suffer from extraordinary wonder that grabs at the threads of my being. I want to dance, sing, be spontaneous, go on an adventure; which at my age can be foolish, dangerous, and if done correctly downright fun. I can hardly wait for the warmth of a true Spring day. I want to be able to shed my heavy winter wear for lighter more comfortable digs. I want to grab my camera, gas up the Jeep, hit the road, find a great walking path and cut loose with nature.

Spring is dangerous. It makes me forget I have responsibilities. Spring. I can’t say it or think it without wanting to draw in a deep breath, hold it for just a sec and dream a little dream. Spring to me is living in the moment. A concept difficult for me to achieve in everyday life. Living in the moment, enjoying what is in front of me, not worrying about what the next important step needs to be.