I love the month of October. The weather is still fairly nice. The leaves are turning into a colorful array of wonderfulness. I can still wear shorts even if I have to pair it with a hoodie. I feel calm; like every little thing is right in the world. Somewhere though in the middle of my bliss the depression lurks… as the leaves start to fall off their perches I feel myself descend into the dark part of my soul that I like to keep hidden.

I struggle with my emotions and often I feel I am on the edge of tears. Soon it will be time to turn the clocks back and the long winter will slowly suck all my happiness to the edge of my existence. I hate the darkness of winter. The world is not meant to be viewed in black & white. Wake up in the dark, leave for work in the dark, return home to enjoy 25 minutes of evening shade and then plunge back into darkness. Never ending cycle of the 50 Shades of Grey and not the kinky kind. I spend the long tedious days of winter planning the first burst of Spring.

I have a best friend. She is not only my best friend; she is THE best friend. She listens to me piss and moan. She is brave enough to laugh in my face. She lets me know when I am being a shithead. I enjoy her company. I like to believe she enjoys my company and that I am as important to her as she is to me. Sometimes we go on adventures. Thinking about the places we’ll go and the crazy things we’ll do helps me to push through winter. She has a way of knowing when I am down and somehow always finds a way to make me smile.