Nothing is a waste of time if you learn something from it. My fortune from Chinese take-out. Funny how that small statement started a flow of ideas and feelings for me. When you are a child you reason like a child. There is an innocence in childhood that most adults grow out of or abandon and I have always wondered why. I was more forgiving as a child. Open to possibilities and dreams. Have you ever surfed the sky on a cloud filled day? Shaped the clouds into dragons and lady bugs and all sorts of fine things? I catch myself watching the skies now. I don’t see the magic as much just the gloom of the season. When did I become a grown up? I wanted to live in Neverland and be one of the Lost Girls. Not to ever have to grow old or tired with responsibilities I didn’t want or ask for. Youth is wasted on the young. Once you become an adult you spend the entirety of your remaining years trying to recapture what you once so foolishly wasted. What happens to INNOCENCE when it dies? The song Puff the Magic Dragon makes me cry. I am Jackie Paper. Once I believed. Now I am uncertain.

Just before Thanksgiving I had a kick ass viral cold. It left me vulnerable in many ways. It also reminded me that being in control really is a delicate balance of every little thing being in the right place at exactly the right time. All it takes is one thing going awry and the whole parade falls apart. It is time to turn my plane into a different wind current. I need to get myself back to being careful about what it is I eat. My choices matter. I am a way better person when I eat to live and not live to eat. I need to put the care of my Dad into someone else’s capable hands before either one of us gets hurt.