Chasing Rainbows

Can a person find happiness by chasing after it? I spent a good portion of my free Saturdays last Summer chasing happiness. I can tell you I never quite found it. Happiness truly is a state of mind. If you can’t find your inner peace, chasing after it is not the answer. I am tired of running towards empty things that leave me feeling empty.  Situations, people and things that bring me no joy or peace. I find that the older I get the more I question myself about what I am really looking for. I want the quiet that comes after the rain. I want the peace of an early morning before anyone else wakes in the house. I want to feel like what I have in my life is enough. I must learn to be calm and in the moment on my days off from work.

I guess last Summer I was starting to believe the fairy tale I was tossing around in my head that I am old. My mother used to call me “Camille”  because when I was a teenager I was over the top dramatic. I remember feeling like an outsider, and a misfit so maybe that’s how I dealt with those feelings by being a drama queen.

In my headspace old means not useful, needs assistance, not vital. I know, WHAT!?! It has taken me time (too much) to sort of settle back into the gal I know and love. I am going to try my damnedest to stick around for awhile. I have gone back to WWs once again because truth be told right now I need it in my life. I am not going to blog on endlessly about it. I am going to try not to obsess about every tiny morsel I eat but rather live my life without food as my jailer.

 

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