Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

It is 5:30 in the morning on the 1st day of the last year in this decade. Yes. it is the last year of the decade! Nothing and no body starts at year one but at day one. Except in some cultures where you are born and considered to be nine months old, time spent in utero counts. Wish I could use that one when it comes time to retire. I am sitting in my office thinking about the year 2019. I am not a big fan of “the year was good to me, bad to me” time is elusive. It is the events and people within that year that make IT memorable. Let’s face it a lot of shitty things happen to each of us in a course of a year. People we love pass away, sometimes we get sick, or depressed. Jobs are lost, or change. New friends are gained. Some old friends are left by the wayside no longer fitting into what a person needs or wants. Life is ever moving,  just like time.

I haven’t really written much since July. I guess I needed a break from my thoughts. I love to write but sometimes if I am not careful it leads me down the path to depression. I find if I spend too much time in my own head I can’t escape my pain. The first part of 2019 was like many years before it, the same old dog and pony ride. I was angry. I am always angry. Most people I know might not believe that to be the case but it is true. I am angry. It is my greatest challenge and my biggest downfall. I decided sometime before my Auntie’s surgery to let anger take a vacation. I really needed a break from her so I sent her away.  I am better for it. My relationship with my hubby is better. I feel better around myself and other people. I even went back to WWs.

In retrospect I would have to say that I was good to 2019.  I found myself. Who I have always been but was afraid to be. I feel at peace with myself (right now, at this moment). I am trying to find my joy everyday. I am participating in my life and in my well being. I have made some new friends. Some of my other friendships are changing and I am okay with that. When a pond stays stagnant for too long its life force dies.  I am working on the things on my “bucket list”. I have even managed to get a few things crossed off. Silly, I know but a life not lived or not being able to find joy in is not living.

My wish for 2020? peace

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