I wasn’t sure if I could make it through today. I was not looking forward to this Thanksgiving. I gleaned something about my myself and my Pops. He is in the things that I do. He lives in my heart and soul not in any one thing he ever gave me. That cowboy hat I have in the closet does not hold his essence; I do. He is not in the Army trunk that once housed his khakis. He is in my thoughts while I peel the potatoes for his favorite stuffing. He is in the warmth of the kitchen as things simmer. I can hear his laughter amongst the laughter of my guests enjoying the football game.
NEW TRADITION ALERT! I decided I was not going to make a turkey, so I didn’t. This year for the first time I prepared a spiral ham. I needed to step away from all of the memories that I associate with this holiday. Many of them are NOT pleasant. I wanted to be free. Many past Thanksgivings have been ruined by my quintessential family: arguments, flying food, insults, drunken behavior and trips to the ER for stitches. Thanksgiving makes me grumpy and short tempered. I do all of the work. I am the one who allows herself to get frazzled. I am the one who obsesses about everything being “perfect”. No one else cares. They just want to eat, relax and have some fun.
I let go of my old tired tradition and ate, relaxed and had some fun.