Is there a point? to this madness!?
I thought it was tough before. I was SO wrong. The everyday reality of what I have chosen is sinking in. The longer I am on program the harder it becomes. Every time I lose ten pounds I also lose a point. At the beginning of this journey it was very hard to get all of my points eaten. Some nights carried a surplus and I while I had moments of hunger, I could manage it. Now my points pool is shrinking. There is less room for error. I move more. I make better choices. I have given up sugar. I am hungry. I am not happy. Some days I do not want to eat one more leaf of lettuce. Some days I want butter on my toast.
What’s the point? My point? I have been trying so hard to be good, I stopped having fun. My efforts have started to feel like a chore. I hate chores. Time has come for me to relax my grip on what the scale may or may not say and have a piece of BUTTERED toast once in a while. I won’t die. I won’t put weight back on. Maybe I will be less grumpy. Maybe I will start to have fun again. Winter is my toughest challenge. I hate that the days feel longer with less LIGHT. I need to dig deep just to survive this. I can do it.
I am also wiser than I was before. I will not quit. I am not be walking away. The last time I did that I racked up the pounds. The negative voices lulled me into a false sense of “It’ll be okay. You can fix it tomorrow.” This time I am not listening to that nonsense. This time I am holding onto this like a squirrel with its prize. I will not let go. I will figure it out. I will.
Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be