Ebb and Flow

Life is about fluctuations. My weight fluctuates. My mood fluctuates. My interests. Think of something in your life and ask yourself if everything is the same as it has always been. I am betting not. I am on hiatus from my job until the very beginnings of the new year. I want to take this time to sit down, devote some serious time to writing and get back to my calm place. I missed WWs last Saturday. I have been struggling the last few weeks and while the scale has been kind to me; I have not been kind to myself. I have come to realize that I need to get to a meeting at least once a week. For myself to keep me on track, to keep my head in the game because it holds the best chance of success for me.

I find that when I am completely honest with myself and the people in my life I do better for myself. No more hiding my truth or going along to make someone else happy. It doesn’t mean that my truth needs to be your truth; it is mine and mine alone. I am unwilling to give up on myself. I have been donating the clothes that I no longer fit into. I would love to have a new wardrobe of pretty things. I have spent a good portion of my life dressed as a line backer. Someday my dream is to wear a dress without Spanks to smooth my line =  ).

I know that when I get on that scale tomorrow it will show that I have not lost. It will be right. I have not lost; I am winning! I am winning because this time I am not afraid to say I need help. This time I am not afraid of the “what ifs”. This time I want to be a better version of me. This time I am not willing to take less than my best effort. I am a survivor!

I am beautiful. I am strong. My ED will not run my life anymore! I am the boss!

Never Give Up On The Person You Are Meant To Be

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