drawbridge : a bridge made to be raised up, let down, or drawn aside so as to permit or hinder passage — see castle illustration.

Sounds like my WWs journey only I am the one in control of the bridge; well, sometimes. I get frustrated and angry just like the next person. If I am not careful I let those negative feelings control the bridge. Lately I have been throwing myself closer and closer to the moat which is filled with tar and other oozy disgusting things that no living creature can tolerate; because I am sad, because I am frustrated, because I have been fighting with my self, over the reality that my efforts to get anywhere and stay there needs to be a lifelong pursuit and not a casual existence. I wanted the fairy tale of weight loss. It starts out as a really good story, has a few plot twists and some heart wrenching moments but in the end Hollywood sweeps in and gives the audience what they so desperately need; a HAPPY ENDING! Real life struggles, however, don’t always come with a predicted happy ending even when you put in all the work.

I am a book that has too many chapters with the same plot device. I am getting tired of the same storyline year after year. A bad soap opera that people only tune into because they are in love with the lead character. I have decided that I will not be taking anymore seflies. Some old lady trolls mine…I see her looking at me over my shoulder. Where did my youth go? Only the young self absorbed should be into taking pics of themselves, time hasn’t wrinkled their self esteem yet. There are no grey hairs making themselves at home on their head. I think I have moved into the “older” generation category. The time has come for me to be in the background of my life and not in front of some silly lens, desperate to capture my soul as it parades a smile.

I am cranky now, I think it is time for my nap.  Quite frankly it pisses me off. See? Cantankerous is creeping on me now.