It has been one of those days. Lately everyday has been one of those days. I don’t know how to get off the merry-go-round. Have you ever put something off, you know, didn’t do something or fix something simply because you held onto the silliest belief that the problem would just go away? Funny how life doesn’t work the way we want it to. My Dad will never be younger or healthier or more mindful. His yellow brick road has less turns left to it. His journey more complete than just begun. Once upon a time not so long ago he was a giant amongst men. He had a wife and children, a job that kept us all cared for. He loved to laugh and sing. In my eyes he could anything. As I sit across from him at the eye doctor I see him for the first time in a long time.
He has aged. He is still strong but is now shrunken in his frame. His eyesight betrays him and his hearing is off. His ears seem large to me but I am sure it is that silly straw cowboy hat he insists on wearing. His hands which once held me are now twisted from years of over use and arthritis. He asks me often why they ache. Maybe they are a reflection of the pain he has had in his life. I try not to think about my Dad someday being to old to be. I try to be in the moment whenever we are together. Make a new memory, forgive an old disagreement. I tell him often how much I love him. It is the one thing I fear he will forget. It would break me.
The only gift we have is TODAY. Live it, enjoy it, savor it, do something with it. Just don’t throw it away.